DAILY ESSAYS 1999

	Dec 1999
31 Dec 1999	The Suck 1000 Hip new daily comic strips
30 Dec 1999	The Suck 1000 Our modern tarot reading
29 Dec 1999	Filler 12.29.99 Put Your Best Footnote Forward!
28 Dec 1999	The New Biography Put your best footnote forward
27 Dec 1999	The New Biography Put your best footnote forward
24 Dec 1999	New to You! Better living through reruns
23 Dec 1999	Hit & Run CCVIII Laugh until you cough with Brown & Williamson, sing along with the Cartwrights, and more
22 Dec 1999	Filler 12.22.99 Holiday Sneer!
21 Dec 1999	Toy Story Why all the hubbub at gift-getting season?
20 Dec 1999	Toons of Glory New Yorker cartoons we hope to see
17 Dec 1999	Santa Feared Sleighn! A Suck Insider Special Report
16 Dec 1999	Hit & Run CCVII Christmas jeers, retch-a-sketch, and digital division
15 Dec 1999	Filler 12.15.99 Fake Mail Controversy!
14 Dec 1999	Gimme Gimme Gimme California's Free Lunch banking plan
13 Dec 1999	Suckdot Porn for Nerds. Stuff that Splatters
10 Dec 1999	Green Christmas Season's e-Greetings from Suck.com
9 Dec 1999	Hit & Run CCVI
8 Dec 1999	Filler 12.08.99 Beware The Angry Little Squirrel!
7 Dec 1999	Battle Fatigue Toe to toe with the WTO
6 Dec 1999	Norman Conquest We always feel like somebody's watchin' Rockwell
3 Dec 1999	Most Excellent Rumors Legends of Suck: A Primer
2 Dec 1999	Hit & Run CCV The Great Web Whitewash, mall TV, Mother Love's crash diet, and more
1 Dec 1999	Filler 12.01.99 Message In A Bottle!
	Nov 1999
30 Nov 1999	Psychiatric Help, 5 Cents Why, Charles Schulz, Why?
29 Nov 1999	Nam de Plume Rewriting the Vietnam war, in crayon
24 Nov 1999	Filler 11.24.99 A Dr. Seuss Thanksgiving!
23 Nov 1999	Holy Roll 'True' believers in holy hot water
22 Nov 1999	Tuning Out Radio killed the radio star
19 Nov 1999	Fourth Suckiversary You won't toast us, so we'll toast ourselves
18 Nov 1999	Hit & Run CCIV The Great Unread, Oski's accessories, game show madness, and Comdex doldrums
17 Nov 1999	Filler 11.17.99 Manage That Anger!
16 Nov 1999	Redmond Blues "Jackson finds that his compan y ' s..."
15 Nov 1999	New to You! Better living through reruns
12 Nov 1999	ADVERTISING IN OUR SCHOOLS A Suck Insider Special Report
11 Nov 1999	Hit & Run CCIII Cheaters never prosper, Shatner never dies, and Sweetness never stops winning
10 Nov 1999	Filler 11.10.99 L As In Loser!
9 Nov 1999	Sinners in the Hands of a Fickle Market Five loaves, two fishes, and four tickets please
8 Nov 1999	Children of the Corn Coming soon to a theater near you: Are Midwesterners dangerous rubes or just plain old rubes?
5 Nov 1999	The New Biography Put your best footnote forward
4 Nov 1999	Hit & Run CCII Religious strife, dateless wonders, dirty dogs, and more
3 Nov 1999	Filler 11.03.99 Dysfunctional Family Functions!
2 Nov 1999	Tip of the Eisenberg The new model in Kid Power
1 Nov 1999	Self Sacrifice Our thousand-year identity crisis
	Oct 1999
29 Oct 1999	History Is Bunco What-if scenarios for the Whatever society
28 Oct 1999	Hit & Run CCI Media shmedia, we're here for our shareholders!
27 Oct 1999	Filler 10.27.99 Mr. Flinchy FAQ!
26 Oct 1999	Microsoft Words 1.0 Debugging the dictionary wars
25 Oct 1999	Pimptuition A conversation with the last of the middlemen
22 Oct 1999	History Is Bunco What-if scenarios for the Whatever society
21 Oct 1999	Hit & Run CC Raving chess masters, soft-money hardbodies, and Potter rotters
20 Oct 1999	Filler 10.20.99 Cellular Breakdown!
19 Oct 1999	Long Live the King We are all Jerry's Kids
18 Oct 1999	Manhattan Project Digging up the subway series
15 Oct 1999	Shamesploitation What's so good about feeling bad?
14 Oct 1999	Hit & Run CXCIX What's up? Who's down? Why worry?
13 Oct 1999	Filler 10.13.99 Hey Recent Graduates!
12 Oct 1999	Good Grief HeartMend asks, 'Death, where is thy sting?'
11 Oct 1999	Dr. Know The decline of our general interest
8 Oct 1999	Break the Mold! Ending typecasting as we know it
7 Oct 1999	Hit & Run CXCVIII Kids 'n' kredit, priceless Jewell, and dog slobber
6 Oct 1999	Filler 10.06.99 Team Crack!
5 Oct 1999	Steve-olution "America's moral decay pro b l e m..."
4 Oct 1999	Caveat Expert Publish or, uh, publish
1 Oct 1999	None-Hit Wonder Empty-handed with MP3
	Sep 1999
30 Sep 1999	Hit & Run CXCVII Hip-hop rocks, Paytrust paydirt, and more
29 Sep 1999	Filler 09.29.99 Pop Psychology!
28 Sep 1999	Get Yer Ya-Yas Out "Leader Trent Lott knows at lea s t..."
27 Sep 1999	La Cage Match Aux Folles Straight men fight for their right to be fabulous
24 Sep 1999	Yankee Doodles Jingling all the way to the White House
23 Sep 1999	Hit & Run CXCVI Purdy goes ironic, we stick up for Jerry, and life is a movie
22 Sep 1999	Filler 09.22.99 Drink For Fun, Profit!
21 Sep 1999	IPO'd A Cinderella story with a Grimm ending
20 Sep 1999	Kid Schlock Today's youth: Still headed for trouble
17 Sep 1999	Land Yacht Fiesta! Ford's new SUV packs on the pounds - and automotive chubby-chasers rejoice!
16 Sep 1999	Hit & Run CXCV "Film Board's meg a - h i t..."
15 Sep 1999	Filler 09.15.99 You've Got Questions, We've Got Answers!
14 Sep 1999	Reverso Converso Mistaken identity politics
13 Sep 1999	The Announcement A Confession
10 Sep 1999	A Day at the Races "Preakness Stakes day 15 May, f a n..."
9 Sep 1999	Hit & Run CXCIV "Philadelphia, the de f a c t o..."
8 Sep 1999	Filler 09.08.99 The Bossman Cometh!
7 Sep 1999	It's in the Bag Have bike-messenger gear, will exercise stock options
6 Sep 1999	Labor Pain Suck's map of the Labor Movement
3 Sep 1999	New to You! Better living through reruns
2 Sep 1999	Summer Reading Break the spine of the Suck Book Club!
1 Sep 1999	Filler 09.01.99 Filler's Complete Guide To Complete Guides!
	Aug 1999
31 Aug 1999	The Medium is the Masseuse Suck glad-hands its content-providing colleagues
30 Aug 1999	New to You! Better living through reruns
27 Aug 1999	Fourth Suckiversary You won't toast us, so we'll toast ourselves
26 Aug 1999	Hit & Run CXCIII Blair Witch backlash, hamster spikes, Brady bull, and more
25 Aug 1999	Filler 08.25.99 Writerspeak!
24 Aug 1999	Are We Not Men? Devolving the proper school curriculum
23 Aug 1999	Tommy Davidson Has Left the Building "The Man Show, we har d l y..."
20 Aug 1999	Out of Eden Linux passes the Finnish line
19 Aug 1999	Hit & Run CXCII Indian Wars, Useless Aid, Lost Mail, and Killer Tomatoes
18 Aug 1999	Filler 08.18.99 Indier Than Thou!
17 Aug 1999	No Vacancy Going on Holiday in the Land of Truth and Liberty
16 Aug 1999	I Got a Friend in Jesus Identifying Christians
13 Aug 1999	Austin Powers: The Spy Who Sautéed Me Further employment opportunities for supervillains
12 Aug 1999	Hit & Run CXCI Exhuming the Exonicle, reviving Nixon, restraining Dave Matthews fans
11 Aug 1999	Filler 08.11.99 The Family Tools!
10 Aug 1999	Presidential Head Trips And an inner child shall lead us
9 Aug 1999	Sex on the Fritz Venus and Adonis give each other hand jobs
6 Aug 1999	Trade Rage Pulling the trigger, executing trades, battling the Ax, and other Nasdaq atrocities
5 Aug 1999	Hit & Run CXC "As the subtext of Mar k O ."
4 Aug 1999	Filler 08.04.99 The Joy Of Eavesdropping!
3 Aug 1999	Hooked on Bacchus Be sure to tape my orgiastic frenzy from this angle
2 Aug 1999	Laying Off the Source The Nature assumption falls flat
	Jul 1999
30 Jul 1999	Bauble Economy You'll like the way you look in your eBay suit. I guarantee it
29 Jul 1999	Hit & Run CLXXXIX Woodstock burns, Hooters bounces, AOL salutes
28 Jul 1999	Filler 07.28.99 The E-Venture Adventure!
27 Jul 1999	This Shouldn't Happen to a Dog Is the new puppy love worth its weight in Scooby snacks?
26 Jul 1999	Ink Blot "American comic books righ t n o w..."
23 Jul 1999	Escape from New York Hillary and Rudy's Empire State squabble
22 Jul 1999	Hit & Run CLXXXVIII John-John in the drink, New Kids in the house, black and white on the desktop, and more
21 Jul 1999	Filler 07.21.99 Bad Reasons To Have Kids!
20 Jul 1999	Surprise Ending Eschatology now
19 Jul 1999	Know Your Options Suck's quiz for uncertain shareholders
16 Jul 1999	Song of Myself The new age of custom songwriting
15 Jul 1999	Hit & Run CLXXXVII A comedy how-to, an Oprah zine, a tough ticket, a stoned spider, and a cheap education
14 Jul 1999	Filler 07.14.99 More Pearls From The Swine!
13 Jul 1999	Wanking Towards Bethlehem How can we protect the children?
12 Jul 1999	Someone should tell the czar General Barry McCaffrey's sitcom-ready high jinks
9 Jul 1999	New Adventures in Critterdom Aibo's litter of technopets
8 Jul 1999	Hit & Run CLXXXVI Doggie Lojack, lethal flags, harsh realms, and other bad ideas
7 Jul 1999	Filler 07.07.99 Die Yuppie Scum!
6 Jul 1999	After the Gold Rush Let's hear it for the Internet Thousandaires
5 Jul 1999	Scaling Mount Rushmore
2 Jul 1999	How To Judge A Man By His CD Collection A Modern Woman's Guide to Dating in the Digital Age
1 Jul 1999	Hit & Run CLXXXV Internet delusions, talking pets, killer tuna, plastic army men and other fakes in the news
	Jun 1999
30 Jun 1999	Filler 06.30.99 Losing My Religion!
29 Jun 1999	Host with the Most It takes an Olympic village
28 Jun 1999	Wait a Minute, Mr. Postgay Man Celebrating Gay Pride with a little old-fashioned shame
25 Jun 1999	Sudden Death Benefit We cut the NBA down to size
24 Jun 1999	Hit & Run CLXXXIV All bad news, all the time
23 Jun 1999	Filler 06.23.99 Time For More Reader Mail!
22 Jun 1999	Dateline: Fashion Front '99 Beyond the velvet ropes, the hues made a cry!
21 Jun 1999	Canned Heat Don't let 'em take away the laughter
18 Jun 1999	Ten Years After: OJ Simpson, 2004 A futuristic, Juiceriffic anniversary!
17 Jun 1999	Hit & Run CLXXXIII The Dead speak to Suck, journalism is dead on the Web, Ron Rosenbaum kills poseurs dead
16 Jun 1999	Filler 06.16.99 Indie Jones!
15 Jun 1999	Garbage in, Garbage in Sometimes a dumpster is only a dumpster
14 Jun 1999	Big Hand on One Swatch's new flick of the wrist
11 Jun 1999	Stop Making Census The real Y2K problem
10 Jun 1999	Hit & Run CLXXXII More violent reactions, more Net news, more millions made, more shameless shills
9 Jun 1999	Filler 06.09.99 The Woman Issue!
8 Jun 1999	Tall Dollars Today Fuck you money, fuck me money, fuck everybody money
7 Jun 1999	Eye on the Ball Trying to stay awake with major league baseball
4 Jun 1999	Suck Goes to War! One of our own joins up!
3 Jun 1999	Hit & Run CLXXXI Killer webmasters, killer campaigns, killer music, and killer bees
2 Jun 1999	Filler 06.02.99 How Cynicism Happens!
1 Jun 1999	Guns and Butter Overtaxing our all-purpose armed forces
	May 1999
31 May 1999	What'll You Have? Draining the vein of Pabst Blue Ribbon
28 May 1999	All the World's a Rave We cash in on Shakespeare chic
27 May 1999	Hit & Run CLXXX Off-road proms, unpopular aliens, unbowed activists, and outlaw cops
26 May 1999	Filler 05.26.99 Negativity Unlimited!
25 May 1999	Positively Fourth Rate We'd rather see Dylanologists paralyzed
24 May 1999	I'm Sorry You're Such an Asshole All hail Mother Love!
21 May 1999	Ad It Up! Does that banner yet wave?
20 May 1999	Hit & Run CLXXIX Off-road proms, unpopular aliens, unbowed activists, and outlaw cops
19 May 1999	Filler 05.19.99 21st-Century Nightmares!
18 May 1999	It Takes a Village of the Damned Protecting our sick, violent, depraved children
17 May 1999	Strip Search Fighting for the Soul of Citizen Dog
14 May 1999	Menace II Society Stop the schmendrick cleansing!
13 May 1999	Hit & Run CLXXVIII Kurt Andersen plugged, X-ray glasses on your mug, AOLTV is the drug
12 May 1999	Filler 05.12.99 Meet The Mental Health Puppet Masters!
11 May 1999	Strictly for My Wigguz No Fear of a White Rapper
10 May 1999	End of Regulation US rolls back the Hockey Invasion
7 May 1999	Ratings Sweeper Jack Valenti's wide-eyed wackiness
6 May 1999	Hit & Run CLXXVII Teen wars, spiked coffee, targeting Rosie, and well-hung Webmasters
5 May 1999	Filler 05.05.99 Happy Fillerversary!
4 May 1999	Tail of the Tape ReplayTV's late arrival
3 May 1999	Slow Budget The New, New, New Hollywood learns to stop on a dime
	Apr 1999
30 Apr 1999	Posse Prospects Leo's hunt for a new Magic Man
29 Apr 1999	Hit & Run CLXXVI "Maybe Netizens hav e s o m e..."
28 Apr 1999	Filler 04.28.99 The Long-Lost Acquainance: Why?
27 Apr 1999	Likely Story Can the Salon IPO crown content king again?
26 Apr 1999	Dr. Death, Attorney at Law Kevorkian, Mumia, Manson, and other foolish clients
23 Apr 1999	Bit Rot A requiem for Nicholas Negroponte
22 Apr 1999	Hit & Run CLXXV High school tragedy, TV-Free America, and Dilbert's lawyers
21 Apr 1999	Filler 04.21.99 Inquiring Minds!
20 Apr 1999	Operation Distant Thunder If you have to actually wage war, have you already lost it?
19 Apr 1999	Single Bullet-Point Theory Reading Timothy McVeigh's mail. Again
16 Apr 1999	Outside the Actor's Studio The death of celebrity at the Bravo Network
15 Apr 1999	Hit & Run CLXXIV Larry Ellison's elaborate practical joke, Johnny Hart's crabbed fundamentalism, and Suck's Enemies List
14 Apr 1999	Filler 04.14.99 It's Tax Time!
13 Apr 1999	Worm's-eye View The problem with Web cams
12 Apr 1999	War Stories The pros and cons of genocidal lunacy
9 Apr 1999	Stained-glass Window The overwhelming compassion of J. D. Salinger
8 Apr 1999	Hit & Run CLXXIII Larry Ellison's elaborate practical joke, Johnny Hart's crabbed fundamentalism, and Suck's Enemies List
7 Apr 1999	Filler 04.07.99 Sympathy For The Devils!
6 Apr 1999	Nothing But Bombs Express yourself, with explosives
5 Apr 1999	Long Live Rock? Cleveland's Rock and Roll Hall of Shame
2 Apr 1999	Great Expectations ...and why you should lower them
1 Apr 1999	Hit & Run CLXXII 'Honk Your Horn to Stop the Porn' and other modern travesties
	Mar 1999
31 Mar 1999	Filler 03.31.99 Bad Ideas, California Style!
30 Mar 1999	The Beat Goes Online Part 2: Rock Around the Clock - The Aesthetics of MP3
29 Mar 1999	The Beat Goes Online Part 1: MP3 Plugged - No One Plays for Free
26 Mar 1999	Flight of the Crybabies A call for an end to airline humor
25 Mar 1999	Hit & Run CLXXI Jerry Rubin 2.0, feeling The Independent Spirit, and the death of rock criticism
24 Mar 1999	Filler 03.24.99 Does Your Mother Know?
23 Mar 1999	Discovery Channel Teletubbies vs. TeleChobis and other blood feuds
22 Mar 1999	Rat Pack The snitch chic of Elia Kazan, Linda Tripp, and Christopher Hitchens
19 Mar 1999	The Celluloid Dunciad How Retarded People Conquered Hollywood
18 Mar 1999	Hit & Run CLXX Fall of the death cultists, talking sandwich fisticuffs, and election 2000 Web hi-jinks
17 Mar 1999	Filler 03.17.99 Fish! Hack! Back!
16 Mar 1999	Follow the Money The next generation of e-commerce hucksterism
15 Mar 1999	Sex Crazy Suck's single-handed reading of the Sex on TV study
12 Mar 1999	MOCK3 The Brave New World of high-tech toiletries
11 Mar 1999	Hit & Run CLXIX More Amazon feedback, post-Ritalin cures for ADD, and Kubrick's posthumous legacy
10 Mar 1999	Filler 03.10.99 Wilty, Guilty!
9 Mar 1999	Crop the Presses! Sorting the Top 100 Works of Journalism
8 Mar 1999	House Divided The battle for the soul of the GOP and other nonsense
5 Mar 1999	Urban Hipsters Little, Yellow, Different
4 Mar 1999	Hit & Run CLXVIII eBay's Achilles' heel, appleimac.com, Ebert's new partner, and the long arm of Suck
3 Mar 1999	Filler 03.03.99 Nice People Suck!
2 Mar 1999	Pay to Play Toward a scandal-free Olympics
1 Mar 1999	Separation Anxiety How to protect yourself from Cultural Marxism
	Feb 1999
26 Feb 1999	Virgin Territory 'Those who cannot do, preach.'
25 Feb 1999	Hit & Run CLXVII Purple Moon's waxing and waning, Generation X poetry, and pregnant fellas
24 Feb 1999	Filler 02.24.99 More Mail!
23 Feb 1999	French Tickler Why we love the French
22 Feb 1999	Cage Match More brilliant ideas on deposing Saddam!
19 Feb 1999	Yawn At The Devil Searching for Falwell's Jewish Antichrist
18 Feb 1999	Hit & Run CLXVI Amazon.com goes Usenet, The Nation columnists wrastle, Clinton struggles for world peace, and Slate takes a price cut
17 Feb 1999	Filler 02.17.99 Time For More Hate Mail!
16 Feb 1999	Send Out the Clowns Comedy is not pretty
15 Feb 1999	Scaling Mount Rushmore A visual history of Presidents' Day
12 Feb 1999	Guilty as Charged Reforming the world through Judge TV
11 Feb 1999	Hit & Run CLXV Ron Jeremy stages the Starr Report, Broadway stages Charles Schulz, and Barry Diller stages a takeover
10 Feb 1999	Filler 02.10.99 Popular Mechanics!
9 Feb 1999	Tummy Trouble When good food goes bad
8 Feb 1999	Fantastic Voyage Schooling the Nintendo generation with The History Channel
5 Feb 1999	Paralegal! The new legalism: It's not just for jury duty anymore!
4 Feb 1999	Hit & Run CLXIV Former child star sightings, the House of Satan, and Super Bowl Fiascoes
3 Feb 1999	Filler 02.03.99 How Bitterness Happens!
2 Feb 1999	Papal Bull Pope John Paul II's rock-and-roll lifestyle
1 Feb 1999	When Activists Attack! Where's the Symbionese Liberation Army when you need them?
	Jan 1999
29 Jan 1999	The Eternal Blame Trace your problems back to the source!
28 Jan 1999	Hit & Run CLXIII A date with Larry Ellison, Apple's Y2K bug, and Roger Ebert on labor
27 Jan 1999	Filler 01.27.99 Movies For The Enraged, The Bitter, And The Bored!
26 Jan 1999	Speech Therapy The State of the Union remains unchanged
25 Jan 1999	Hot Copy Remakes, sequels, cover tunes, and counterfeits
22 Jan 1999	British Disease The cultural tyranny of Anglophilia
21 Jan 1999	Hit & Run CLXII Sacred trinkets, butt cams, Nordic genes, and Republican rejoinders
20 Jan 1999	Filler 01.20.99 Creepless In Seattle!
19 Jan 1999	Grand Slam Mike Tyson and the lost art of ass-kicking
18 Jan 1999	Law of the Jungle New rules for 1999
15 Jan 1999	Bastard Out of Arkansas Matt Drudge's last big scoop?
14 Jan 1999	Hit & Run CLXI A Simple Song of Peace, Men of Steel Balls, Civil War Porn, and Drudge's folly
13 Jan 1999	Filler 01.13.99 We're Gonna Panic Like It's 1999!
12 Jan 1999	Feedback Loop Kissing ass and faking names in the letters pages
11 Jan 1999	Rolling Blunder Fighting the Vietnam War again as World War II again in Iraq
8 Jan 1999	Details, Details Are you detail oriented or detail ignorant?
7 Jan 1999	Hit & Run CLX Fat acceptance workshops, lethal hairbrushes, Ramadan greeting cards and other holiday gifts
6 Jan 1999	Filler 01.06.99 The Post-Holiday Grays!
5 Jan 1999	Blue to You Explore the Post-Holiday Blues
4 Jan 1999	Man Handled How Tom Wolfe and Details touched each other's manhood