DAILY ESSAYS 1998
 
  Dec 1998
 

30 Dec 1998


Filler 12.30.98
1998: The Year In Review!

29 Dec 1998


Year of the Rat
The baby-boom generation finally makes peace with their elders

28 Dec 1998


The New Vice Principle
Not been a good year for vice

23 Dec 1998


Filler 12.23.98
A Hack, A Fish, A Christmas Wish!

22 Dec 1998


Change Is Good
Making sense of the new $1 coin

21 Dec 1998


High Anxiety
Lifestyle journalism meets the The Wall Street Journal.

18 Dec 1998


Jingle Bell Schlock
An endless stream of Christmas dreck

17 Dec 1998


Hit & Run CLIX
Grading teachers, downgrading Oprah, parading luckless youth, and evading bizarre spam

16 Dec 1998


Filler 12.16.98
Suck's Po-Moetry Slam!

15 Dec 1998


Dissent of Man
Fertility goddess or hideously deformed cretin?

14 Dec 1998


Wall of Voodoo
Los Angeles: still threatened at all times from all sides

11 Dec 1998


Free Fall
Staging the coming financial apocalypse

10 Dec 1998


Hit & Run CLVIII
Without The New Yorker, The Times, and Salon, the world would be desolate and unfunny

8 Dec 1998


BLACKOUT
San Francisco Blackout!

7 Dec 1998


Culture Clash
The Honeymoon's Over: Post-merger diplomacy

4 Dec 1998


Supercool!
The Latest Scoop from the Arctic Runway

3 Dec 1998


Hit & Run CLVII
What 7th Heaven, the Unknown Comic, Time magazine and Ira Glass have in common

2 Dec 1998


Filler 12.02.98
The Demographically Undesirable!

1 Dec 1998


Ad Lib
Why Kevin Williamson pinched Miller Lite's Dick

 
  Nov 1998
 

30 Nov 1998


House Rules
New Economics for Outlaws

26 Nov 1998


Thanksgiving!
Season's Beatings

25 Nov 1998


Filler 11.25.98
Hail To The Queens!

24 Nov 1998


Pile Driver
Ted Turner for President!

23 Nov 1998


Cap'n Credit Crunch
Investment tips for the mentally disabled

20 Nov 1998


Strangers On a Gravy Train
ABC Dials M for Motor Skills

19 Nov 1998


Hit & Run CLVI
"The Da y o f t h e..."

18 Nov 1998


Filler 11.18.98
Zoom For Generation Doom!

17 Nov 1998


Name of the Game
A rose by any other name, price negotiable

16 Nov 1998


All the Rage
Make crime pay from the comfort of your home!

13 Nov 1998


An Embarrassment of Riches
The hard-luck stories of celebrity superstars

12 Nov 1998


Hit & Run CLV
"Jimmy Carter and George Bu s h ,..."

11 Nov 1998


Filler 11.11.98
Beware! Bad Conversations Ahead!

10 Nov 1998


Attack of the Killer Shrews
The rise of the yenta

9 Nov 1998


Pest Control
Starring Woody Allen as the Year 2000 Bug

6 Nov 1998


Ad Infinitium
Attack ads you may have missed

5 Nov 1998


Hit & Run CLIV
"Ventura's surprise pile-dr i v i n g..."

4 Nov 1998


Filler 11.04.98
Go Suck An Egg!

3 Nov 1998


The Work of the People
Suck's Election Day tribute to humble beginnings

2 Nov 1998


Doctor Who?
Th US Surgeon General cuts us up

 
  Oct 1998
 

30 Oct 1998


Monster Mash
Suck's Halloween Creature Feature

29 Oct 1998


Hit & Run CLIII
"The New Yor k e r ' s..."

28 Oct 1998


Filler 10.28.98
Contempory Youth Widsom!

27 Oct 1998


Oedipus Wrecks
Kill your parents!

26 Oct 1998


The New Earnestness
Sincerity, intensity, passion, and other bummers

23 Oct 1998


suckEGGS
Suck's Evil Genius Grants 1998

22 Oct 1998


Suck EGGs: Hal Hartley and Whit Stillman
Mannerist American Auteurs

21 Oct 1998


Filler 10.21.98
Civil Servant!

20 Oct 1998


Suck EGGs: Neve Campbell
Tiny Tears

19 Oct 1998


Suck EGGs: Ira Glass
A New Face For Radio

16 Oct 1998


Suck EGGs: Michael Lind and David Horowitz
Retrofitted Pundits

15 Oct 1998


Suck EGGs: Greil Marcus
The Nutty Professor

14 Oct 1998


Filler 10.14.98
The Cereal Killer!

13 Oct 1998


Suck EGGs: Beastie Boys
Born-Again Bozos

12 Oct 1998


Suck EGGs: ABC's This Week Gang
Our National Embarrassments

9 Oct 1998


Members Only
The Decade of the Penis

8 Oct 1998


Hit & Run CLII
Global recessions, local depressions, and tawdry confessions

7 Oct 1998


Filler 10.07.98
Global Recessions, Local Depressions, And Tawdry Confessions!

6 Oct 1998


Flesh Trade
Gambling on the Washington, D.C. scandal market

5 Oct 1998


Enhanced Performance
"McGwire's underwhelmi n g 6 2 n d..."

2 Oct 1998


Having Trouble Coping? Again?
The cure for all your psychological problems

1 Oct 1998


Hit & Run CLI
"This week's announcem e n t b y..."

 
  Sep 1998
 

30 Sep 1998


Filler 09.30.98
High School Reunion Status!

29 Sep 1998


Leader of the Packaging
Marilyn Manson's marketing mechanics

28 Sep 1998


Space Oddity
Wiping John Glenn off the face of the planet

25 Sep 1998


Why We Didn't Run the Henry Hyde Story
Suck's ethics put to the test

24 Sep 1998


Hit & Run CL
"World Service radio broadc a s t s..."

23 Sep 1998


Filler 09.23.98
The Sound Bite And Fury!

22 Sep 1998


Clown Act
Reinventing government, one balloon animal at a time

21 Sep 1998


Mondo Porno
A picture is worth a thousand OIC footnotes

18 Sep 1998


Starrmark Cards
When you care enough to send the very best!

17 Sep 1998


Hit & Run CXLIX
"House's secret-sp i l l i n g..."

16 Sep 1998


Filler 09.16.98
The Virtual Buddy!

15 Sep 1998


Dire Wolff
Internet megafailure Michael Wolff's scorched earth slapstick

14 Sep 1998


Going Postal
The US Postal Service's unconditional surrender

11 Sep 1998


Kaiser on the Set
Ruling Hollywood with an iron fist, '98-style

10 Sep 1998


Hit & Run CXLVIII
"The Toron t o S t a r..."

9 Sep 1998


Filler 09.09.98
Trivial Therapy!

8 Sep 1998


The Killer Inside Me
Don't feed the flesh-eating bacteria!

7 Sep 1998


Labor Pain
Suck's map of the Labor Movement

4 Sep 1998


Royal Flush
Choosing the next People's Princess

3 Sep 1998


Hit & Run CXLVII
"Yeltsin-Clinton summit th e ' W h y..."

2 Sep 1998


Filler 09.02.98
Get The Facts. Get The Statistic-O-Matic!

1 Sep 1998


Girls Against Boys
The Cold War may be over, but the Cold Shoulder persists

 
  Aug 1998
 

31 Aug 1998


Taming of the Shrew
How to buy yourself onto Matt Drudge's good side

28 Aug 1998


It Is, Indeed, the End of the World
The rejection letters of Judy Blume

27 Aug 1998


Hit & Run CXLVI
"Drudge's greatest triump h h a v e..."

26 Aug 1998


Filler 08.26.98
Suck's 3rd Anniversary!

25 Aug 1998


Summary Judgment
Drive-through windows for the opinion-challenged

24 Aug 1998


Reality Plus
Reminiscent of the real thing!

21 Aug 1998


Idiot Gate '98
Suck's last word on the Clinton nightmare

20 Aug 1998


Hit & Run CXLV
"Clinton. We were counting on o n e..."

19 Aug 1998


Filler 08.19.98
Low-Level Jobs To Avoid!

18 Aug 1998


Walking Tall
Why does the world hate the U.S. so much?

17 Aug 1998


The New You!
Tips and tricks for your post-slacker lifestyle

14 Aug 1998


Off the Charts
Diagnosing the modern magazine chart epidemic

13 Aug 1998


Hit & Run CXLIV

12 Aug 1998


Filler 08.12.98
Movie Reviews And Their Spoils!

11 Aug 1998


Baby Grand
Collapsing the predictions of a Beanie Babies bust

10 Aug 1998


Back Storytelling
The New York Times helped Hitler escape justice?

7 Aug 1998


Seasick Part Two Postponed
Disaster strikes the maiden voyage of the R.M.S. Suckster

6 Aug 1998


Hit & Run CXLIII
"America, there's not much m o r e..."

5 Aug 1998


Filler 08.05.98
Out Of Style!

4 Aug 1998


Unsafety First
Ralph Nader's wild sense of humor

3 Aug 1998


Breast of Burden
Lara Croft's huge headlights and heavy artillery

 
  Jul 1998
 

31 Jul 1998


Seasick Part One
Suck stows away for the next wave of cruise journalism

30 Jul 1998


Hit & Run CXLII

29 Jul 1998


Filler 07.29.98
International Flan Of Mystery!

28 Jul 1998


Mondo Cannes
"Sharky's Machine stu n t m a n..."

27 Jul 1998


Mind Games
It's time to stop the healing

24 Jul 1998


Beat the Press
The true story behind myfirsttime.com

23 Jul 1998


Hit & Run CXLI
"Francisco. But don ' t g e t..."

22 Jul 1998


Filler 07.22.98
From Child Actor To Junkie Prostitute!

21 Jul 1998


Taboo Who?
"French perfected the a r t o f..."

20 Jul 1998


Finger Painting
"Los Angeles Times li s t o f..."

17 Jul 1998


Rhyme and Reason
The lost TV theme songs

16 Jul 1998


Hit & Run CXL
"Diane and Mike are the virgin a l..."

15 Jul 1998


Filler 07.15.98
Governor Moonbeam Shines The New Yorker!

14 Jul 1998


Trimming the Hegemony
"Sheila Copps invited collea g u e s..."

13 Jul 1998


EZ-Bake Oven
"Warrior, has gone on to a ne w..."

10 Jul 1998


Echo Chamber
"George Chauncey should have s e e n..."

9 Jul 1998


Hit & Run CXXXIX
"Roy Rogers fo r a f e w..."

8 Jul 1998


Filler 07.08.98
Distractions Are A Warm Puppy!

7 Jul 1998


Class Struggle
"Cambridge Library's edit i o n o f..."

6 Jul 1998


Dew X Machina
"But while each sun-bloc k e d ,..."

3 Jul 1998


Independent Clause
In case you forgot to shut off your computer

2 Jul 1998


Hit & Run CXXXVIII

1 Jul 1998


Filler 07.01.98
Recycled Filler!

 
  Jun 1998
 

30 Jun 1998


Lump Sums
Big Charity gets off the dime

29 Jun 1998


Nerve Damage
Government versus Media: Which discredited entity to believe?

26 Jun 1998


New to You!
Better living through reruns

25 Jun 1998


Hit & Run CXXXVII
"Right on all counts , b u t..."

24 Jun 1998


Filler 06.24.98
Filler's Summer Movies Spectacular!

23 Jun 1998


Convergence Theory
"Follow the m o n e y ?..."

22 Jun 1998


My Life as a Has-Been
"Danny Bonaduce was ab l e t o..."

19 Jun 1998


Crash Course
Cartoon crashes vs. Cartoonist crashes

18 Jun 1998


Hit & Run CXXXVI
"Co n t e n t a s..."

17 Jun 1998


Filler 06.17.98
Must Sell Idiocy!

16 Jun 1998


Manifest Destiny
"Barneys (New York) to do a window display..."

15 Jun 1998


Brown Bag
Governor Moonbeam shines

12 Jun 1998


Dancing Baby Boom
The hard life and troubled times of the Dancing Baby

11 Jun 1998


Hit & Run CXXXV
"Thailand, Samart Phakphu m , t h e..."

10 Jun 1998


Filler 06.10.98
Meet The Inaction Heroes!

9 Jun 1998


Two for the Road
An Expert's Guide to Drunk Driving

8 Jun 1998


I Am the Cheese
The Media Monopoly presents The Truman Show

5 Jun 1998


Gear and Clothing in Las Vegas
Gonzo journalism, '90s-style

4 Jun 1998


Hit & Run CXXXIV
"Lewinsky family, af t e r a n..."

3 Jun 1998


Filler 06.03.98
Hate Mail!

2 Jun 1998


A Modest Disposal
Arm the children!

1 Jun 1998


White Man's Bulworth
"Billington Bulworth, shut t e r e d..."

 
  May 1998
 

29 May 1998


Is That Justice?
Hollywood lawyers meet the real world, hilarity ensues

28 May 1998


Hit & Run CXXXIII
DC crack-smokers, Indonesian flame wars, erotic amputation, and Chex Quest

27 May 1998


Filler 05.27.98
Much Filler About Nothing!

26 May 1998


Stranger Than Fiction
Stephen Glass and the New Fiction

25 May 1998


Memorial Day
Didju bbq?

22 May 1998


Endsville Postponed
What if Frank Sinatra had lived?

21 May 1998


Hit & Run CXXXII
Microsoft's 'little joke,' fading teen idolhood, Zap's money and The Nuge's mea

20 May 1998


Filler 05.20.98
Save The Endangered Species!

19 May 1998


Bad Vibes
The negativity renaissance

18 May 1998


The Sleepsons
The future of Matt Groening

15 May 1998


Nothing Lasts Forever
Mr. Seinfeld, he dead

14 May 1998


Hit & Run CXXXI
The pride of The New Republic, Libby Dole's pole vault, and Jerry Springer 2.0

13 May 1998


Filler 05.13.98
8th Graders Smoke Crack!

12 May 1998


Road Rage
Mergermania in the Fatherland

11 May 1998


Short Shrift
Howard Stern's dwarf bowling

8 May 1998


Overprofes-sionalism: Fear It
A terrible affliction

7 May 1998


Hit & Run CXXX
Barnyard Special: Washington weasels, two-headed pigs, laughing rats, and media octopi

6 May 1998


Filler 05.06.98
Happy Fillerversary!

5 May 1998


King of the Hill
A little bit country, a little bit rock 'n' roll

4 May 1998


Wake-up Call
The unofficial symbol of the Internet

1 May 1998


Family Jewels
May Is National Masturbation Month!

 
  Apr 1998
 

30 Apr 1998


Hit & Run CXXIX
Dwarves, Disney, dreams, drones and dreck

29 Apr 1998


Filler 04.29.98
The Truth About Dogs And Dumb People!

28 Apr 1998


Low Turnout
Lead us not into syndication

27 Apr 1998


Toxic Shock
Microsoft's elaborate, unusual manipulations

24 Apr 1998


Springer Fever
The Jerry Springer Show gets a makeover

23 Apr 1998


Hit & Run CXXVIII
Hit Men, Newton Boys, Seinfeld, Superman, and Iran

22 Apr 1998


Filler 04.22.98
Are You Pretentious?

21 Apr 1998


Wrong Answer
Realist art trash death metal exploitation

20 Apr 1998


Morality Play
Dope, dictators, and driver's ed

17 Apr 1998


Dumbstruck
'Dumbing Down': The evidence

16 Apr 1998


Hit & Run CXXVII
Seinfeld's new job, Amelio's old job, Michael's slob job, and 60 Minute's snow job

15 Apr 1998


Filler 04.15.98
Guide To Wise Investing!

14 Apr 1998


Face Value
Rearranging the faces of Mars, stars, and czars

13 Apr 1998


Naked Eye
Lust happens

10 Apr 1998


Soundbite Autopsy
The most challenging assignment of Kathy Ireland's career

9 Apr 1998


Hit & Run CXXVI
South Park PR, Titanic II, and CitySearch

8 Apr 1998


Filler 04.08.98
C'est Chic!

7 Apr 1998


Déjà Voodoo
Advertising: Your worst nightmare?

6 Apr 1998


Heart of Darkness
See you at AfroDisney!

3 Apr 1998


Smoke Out
High times, low concept

2 Apr 1998


Hit & Run CXXV
Kids Who Kill, lifestyles primers, Salomon sexcapades, and Suck.com in the house!

1 Apr 1998


Filler 04.01.98
Everybody Hurts!

 
  Mar 1998
 

31 Mar 1998


Clothes Minded
Outfitting Generation Next

30 Mar 1998


Faux Pas
Sorry 'bout that, Mr. President

27 Mar 1998


Me and My Shadow of Irony
The Baffler Boys Hoax Harper's

26 Mar 1998


Hit & Run CXXIV
Titanic's wet dream, Jack Stanton, Bill Clinton, and a bottle of Pepcid

25 Mar 1998


Filler 03.25.98
Filler's History Of Human Knowledge!

24 Mar 1998


Those Darn Scientists!
Postmodernists hoist the black flag of anarchy

23 Mar 1998


Upstart Microsoft
Microsoft strategy circa 2003

20 Mar 1998


Vote Celebrity
Hollywood-on-the-Potomac cashes in

19 Mar 1998


Hit & Run CXXIII
Cadaver Chic, Gates' new bludgeon, and TechnoAmway

18 Mar 1998


Filler 03.18.98
You Don't Send Steve Jobs Flowers Anymore?

17 Mar 1998


Err Travel
Business class, behind The Times

16 Mar 1998


TV Is God
"McCarthy's gassy unAme r i c a n..."

13 Mar 1998


New Girl Order
"The revolution won't be wear i n g..."

12 Mar 1998


Hit & Run CXXII
"Continuing the brave m a r c h..."

11 Mar 1998


Filler 03.11.98
Celebrating The Empty Coolness Of Youth!

10 Mar 1998


Tuning Fork
US Army topples Chumbawamba, film at 11

9 Mar 1998


Identity Crisis
Spam: You are what you eat?

6 Mar 1998


Friendship!
The Complete and Unabridged Illustrated Encyclopedia of Friendship

5 Mar 1998


Hit & Run CXXI
Copyrighting crime, Jim Rose on People's Court, and corporate logo tattoos

4 Mar 1998


Filler 03.04.98
Origin Of The Species!

3 Mar 1998


Hanging Judge
'Mom, what's oral sex?'

2 Mar 1998


Gas Mask
The vast Gulf between threat and menace

 
  Feb 1998
 

27 Feb 1998


Insani-TV
A cable channel for a mad, mad world

26 Feb 1998


Hit & Run CXX
Big Blue tumors, CBS blunders, and the friction-free future

25 Feb 1998


Filler 02.25.98
The Joy Of Hate Mail!

24 Feb 1998


Office Despot
The trouble with The Trouble With Dilbert

23 Feb 1998


Inversion of Privacy
The pornography of family values

20 Feb 1998


New from the J. Suckerman Catalogue
The Silver Screen Collection, Spring 1998

19 Feb 1998


Hit & Run CXIX
Filtering ads, porn, and C-SPAN

18 Feb 1998


Filler 02.18.98
Play Match Game '98!

17 Feb 1998


Heavy Medal
Smoking the gold in Nagano

16 Feb 1998


If I Only Had a Brain
Natrificial's The Brain: Mental as anything

13 Feb 1998


Technicolor Yawn
Primary Colors, shaded

12 Feb 1998


Hit & Run CXVIII
Six Degrees of Monica, gaydar, and the Psychic Friends

11 Feb 1998


Filler 02.11.98
More Men And Women To Avoid!

10 Feb 1998


Nasty Habits
The Sorcerer's Apprentice mops the web's filth

9 Feb 1998


Minor Threat
The Bully of Baghdad's '98 Tour

6 Feb 1998


Enhance Your Communication Skills
Why bother walking the walk when you can talk the talk?

5 Feb 1998


Hit & Run CXVII
Death of Spy, the birth of Persian Kitty, and the value of words

4 Feb 1998


Filler 02.04.98
Interested In Getting Laid?

3 Feb 1998


Believe It or Not
Flogging Wag the Dog

2 Feb 1998


Fahrvergnügen
Finding the bug in the auto industry's soup

 
  Jan 1998
 

30 Jan 1998


Bowled Over
Suck reviews the ads of Super Bowl XXXII

29 Jan 1998


Hit & Run CXVI
Monicas we have known and loved, NASA, and Variety's 'slanguage.'

28 Jan 1998


Filler 01.28.98
An Episode Of Filler You'll Never Forget!

27 Jan 1998


Past Out
Gray Lady battles senility, loses

26 Jan 1998


Textual Conduct
Semen, semiotics, and Clinton's boxers

23 Jan 1998


Vodka on Ice
Robert Downey Jr.'s prison manifesto

22 Jan 1998


Hit & Run CXV
Oprah has a cow, Texas arms its parish, and Sundance smells the Love

21 Jan 1998


Filler 01.21.98
The New Media Office Stumbles On...

20 Jan 1998


Shameless Dread
Kicking and screaming into the next millennium

19 Jan 1998


Vox Potuli
If you don't cough, you don't get off

16 Jan 1998


Set for Stun
Stimulated emissions at the laserium

15 Jan 1998


Hit & Run CXIV
Time, the Times, J. Peterman, and suicide

14 Jan 1998


Filler 01.14.98
It's That Time Of Year Again!

13 Jan 1998


Right to Kill
Ted Kaczynski's command performance

12 Jan 1998


Résumé Fodder
How not to edit your life story

9 Jan 1998


Bondage
Tarantino and Scorcese plug Bond

8 Jan 1998


Hit & Run CXIII
Copy-cat killer trees, priapism, eyepopping punishment

7 Jan 1998


Filler 01.07.98
Depression: The Post-Holiday Blues!

6 Jan 1998


The Nth Degree
The worst word of an era

5 Jan 1998


Larger Than Life
Big laffs, big meals, big bang

2 Jan 1998


In 1998...
Suck predicts the future

1 Jan 1998


In 1998...
Suck predicts the future