DAILY ESSAYS 1996

	Dec 1996
31 Dec 1996	The Sucksters Predict "In 1997, people will eat mo r e..."
30 Dec 1996	The Sucksters Predict "In 1997, newcomers t o t h e..."
27 Dec 1996	The Sucksters Predict "In mid-1997, publicist s w i l l..."
26 Dec 1996	The Sucksters Predict "In 1997, much brainpowe r a n d..."
25 Dec 1996	The Sucksters Predict "AOL, in a desperate attemp t t o..."
24 Dec 1996	The Sucksters Predict "In 1997, there will be a fil m..."
23 Dec 1996	The Sucksters Predict "As the dinosaur known as 'onli n e..."
20 Dec 1996	Toys for Naught "The holy trinity of televisi o n ,..."
19 Dec 1996	Hit & Run LXV "What with the headach e s o f..."
18 Dec 1996	Memes to an End "It takes more than a meme to lead..."
17 Dec 1996	Programming Ad Hawk "You may have read recently th a t..."
16 Dec 1996	Enlightened Self-Disinterest "As if the ghost of Malthus wer e..."
13 Dec 1996	That's Motivation "Creating a stylishly casual w o r k..."
12 Dec 1996	Hit & Run LXIV "Ever since Texas passed its l a w..."
11 Dec 1996	MIDI Vanilli "Last time sales were flatlin i n g..."
10 Dec 1996	Angles in the Outfield "Something's rotten in the st a t e..."
9 Dec 1996	Retrogressive Behavior "Remember when the web inspi r e d..."
6 Dec 1996	A Piece of the Action "It's bad enough when techni c a l..."
5 Dec 1996	Hit & Run LXIII "How many times can the Apocalyp s e..."
4 Dec 1996	Bad Sports "Before this fall, fa n s o f..."
3 Dec 1996	Book Mobile "Henry David Thoreau. He sho u l d..."
2 Dec 1996	911 "When we last saw Oedipa Maas, sh e..."
	Nov 1996
28 Nov 1996	Hit & Run LXII "With the merciful passage of t h e..."
27 Nov 1996	Fire This Time "Did you make it to Burning Ma n..."
26 Nov 1996	Digital Evolution "What if you threw a Digit a l..."
25 Nov 1996	Royale with Cheese "It would take a cunning lingui s t..."
22 Nov 1996	Promiscuous Consumption "Sometimes exhibitionists ma k e t h e..."
21 Nov 1996	Hit & Run LXI "While advertising incanta t i o n s..."
20 Nov 1996	Get A Lifestyles "Iron John rusted out, and T h e..."
19 Nov 1996	Milking It "Just when everything seemed t o b e..."
18 Nov 1996	Pretty Good Deal "At the young age of 24, it' s..."
15 Nov 1996	Anywhere, USA "The joke's on Hillary: Villa g e s..."
14 Nov 1996	Hit & Run LX "With his wax-museum 'good loo k s '..."
13 Nov 1996	The Mediatrix "Lynne Russell puts the 'top ' i n..."
12 Nov 1996	All the World's a Stage "When Marshall McLuhan descr i b e d..."
11 Nov 1996	Dream Girl "Thomas Pynchon's Lotion inter v i e w..."
8 Nov 1996	The Third Time As 'Tragedy' "Good morning - or, as Leonar d o..."
7 Nov 1996	Hit & Run LIX "Ah, those hazy days of yor e ,..."
6 Nov 1996	Ashes to ASCII "Given the volatil e l i f e..."
5 Nov 1996	Character Assassination "As the global directi v e t o..."
4 Nov 1996	Sick and Wired "Just as the Christmas shopp i n g..."
1 Nov 1996	Cringe Factor "Everyone blames Andy Warho l f o r..."
	Oct 1996
31 Oct 1996	Hit & Run LVIII "When TV viewers lost interes t i n..."
30 Oct 1996	New York Minute "If no news is good news, the n..."
29 Oct 1996	Selfish Gini "Suddenly evolution isn't wh a t i t..."
28 Oct 1996	Robust Aroma "Just do it,' 'Put it in your head,'..."
25 Oct 1996	Thinking of You "Underneath its ageless vei l s o f..."
24 Oct 1996	Hit & Run LVII "New York's American Museum of t h e..."
23 Oct 1996	Screaming in a Vacuum "IRC, at its best, is a chance to..."
22 Oct 1996	Eurotrashed "There was a period - n o t..."
21 Oct 1996	Rebel Without a Pause "The quiet that's fallen over t h e..."
18 Oct 1996	Master of Ceremony "The presidential debate s a r e a..."
17 Oct 1996	Hit & Run LVI "Snapple may have taken a bath i n..."
16 Oct 1996	Bottoms Up "The giant sucking sound com i n g..."
15 Oct 1996	How Many Licks? "Kids don't dream of becom i n g..."
14 Oct 1996	Biting the Hand at Feed "If you've gotten this far, y o u..."
11 Oct 1996	Lifestyles of the Rich and Famous "The fashion arc may swing fr o m..."
10 Oct 1996	Hit & Run LV "Rock 'n' roll was sell i n g..."
9 Oct 1996	Must-c|net TV? "The other night, as I endured th e..."
8 Oct 1996	Ugly Sticks "Consider the old insult - or wa s..."
7 Oct 1996	You Won't "An African-American profess i o n a l..."
4 Oct 1996	Back In The Bottle "Like most good ideas, Six Degre e s..."
3 Oct 1996	Hit & Run LIV "The web is a powerful solvent, t o..."
2 Oct 1996	Bizarro World "Marvel Comics creator-tu r n e d -..."
1 Oct 1996	Adman Agonistes "They do it for gold, not glory ."
	Sep 1996
30 Sep 1996	Angels and Insects "As year-round schools and ot h e r..."
27 Sep 1996	Politics is the Art of the Gullible "As unsurprising as precipi t o u s..."
26 Sep 1996	Hit & Run LIII "The problem with computers , y o u..."
25 Sep 1996	Steal This Article "Not so long ago, in another life ,..."
24 Sep 1996	Genius Envy "In the go-go days of the '80s art..."
23 Sep 1996	The 1:1 Republic "He's been shut out of t h e..."
20 Sep 1996	Number One With A Hail of Bullets "Ladies and gentleme n : t h e..."
19 Sep 1996	Hit & Run LII "The Oscars? Mel Gibson won seve n !..."
18 Sep 1996	Waterworld "Do you feel overwhelm e d b y..."
17 Sep 1996	Nothing To Fear But Fear Itself "Perhaps it takes a politic i a n..."
16 Sep 1996	Childhood's End "Hello , w o r l d ."
13 Sep 1996	Swimming Up the Mainstream "Money might be the world's mo s t..."
12 Sep 1996	Hit & Run LI "Here's a newsflash that fill s u s..."
11 Sep 1996	Hollywood Babbles On "Invented by the barely liter a t e..."
10 Sep 1996	Just Do Yourself "Masturbation has been tout e d a s..."
9 Sep 1996	Saturday Morning Massacre "So now the government wa n t s..."
6 Sep 1996	Weenie Roast "The Greatest Show on Ea r t h..."
5 Sep 1996	Hit & Run L "But in order to get po l e..."
4 Sep 1996	You Are Here "In the guide to early '9 0 s..."
3 Sep 1996	Lights...Camera...Jive! "Screw Hallmark, screw Cr a t e &..."
2 Sep 1996	OK Marketing Things are going to be OK (TM)
	Aug 1996
30 Aug 1996	Smells Like Team Spirit "Fantasy league football ki c k e d..."
29 Aug 1996	Hit & Run XLIX "John Williams's departur e f r o m..."
28 Aug 1996	Suckiversary "Suck is a year older today. Ar e..."
27 Aug 1996	White Riot "Remember the whole conce p t o f..."
26 Aug 1996	Fashions of the Times "We began to notice a tellta l e..."
23 Aug 1996	A Lovin' Swoonful "The commercialization of e v e r y..."
22 Aug 1996	Hit & Run XLVIII "Those of us who keep Fa s t..."
21 Aug 1996	Step Right Up "Sometimes you're trappe d . Y o u..."
20 Aug 1996	It's The Terminal, Dummy! "Everyone wants to stan d f o r..."
19 Aug 1996	What I Saw at the Digital Revolution "The brief history of the net ca n..."
16 Aug 1996	Net-crophilia "So Phil Anselmo of Pant e r a..."
15 Aug 1996	Hit & Run XLVII "Amid all the hoop l a o f..."
14 Aug 1996	"You've got litigation!" "There's been a strange shif t i n..."
13 Aug 1996	Passive Aggressive "From the avant-garde to Activ e X ,..."
12 Aug 1996	To Err is Human, to Crash, Divine "When Animals Attack isn' t t h e..."
9 Aug 1996	Credit Check "AOL is free. Perfectly free . I n..."
8 Aug 1996	Hit & Run XLVI "Every office has a coupl e o f..."
7 Aug 1996	Sub-Middle Management Worksick Blues "I thought I knew how to negotiat e..."
6 Aug 1996	Faster, Pussycat! Click! Click! "The web's open-admission po l i c y..."
5 Aug 1996	Mid-Hype Crisis "Forget failing st o c k s ,..."
2 Aug 1996	Free Range Beef "The cyber-frontier metaphor m a k e s..."
1 Aug 1996	Hit & Run XLV "Fresh in their new corporasphe r e ,..."
	Jul 1996
31 Jul 1996	Take My Advice - Please! "In 1987, when still-frisk y s o b..."
30 Jul 1996	Nothing for Nothing "The best things in life are free ."
29 Jul 1996	Anti Alias "A manhunt always make s f o r..."
26 Jul 1996	Golden Shower "The AP may have just declared th e..."
25 Jul 1996	Hit & Run XLIV "What's in a name? Legal threa t s..."
24 Jul 1996	What the Market Will Bare "Fortified with Dramamin e a n d a..."
23 Jul 1996	Fear and Coding "Bumper stickers have becom e t h e..."
22 Jul 1996	Big Money, Little Clue "Figuring that all we know abo u t..."
19 Jul 1996	Prime Time Gold Mine "If you were born after 1946, yo u..."
18 Jul 1996	Hit & Run XLIII "In the mess of mega-me d i a..."
17 Jul 1996	Even Better Than the Real Thing "Despite the plethora of availa b l e..."
16 Jul 1996	Search and Destroy "No official record exists to te l l..."
15 Jul 1996	Packet FishRman "In the wild kingd o m o f..."
12 Jul 1996	Things that Go Boom in Night "As surely as sweaters in a Sa n..."
11 Jul 1996	Hit & Run XLII "What's it take to get a littl e..."
10 Jul 1996	Unsafe at Any Speed "Those who refuse to learn fr o m..."
9 Jul 1996	Unsafe at Any Speed "Cadillacs used to be foun d o n..."
8 Jul 1996	The Truth Is Way Out There "In the past twenty years, alie n s..."
4 Jul 1996	Hit & Run XLI "Tragicomedy: it's not onl y o u r..."
3 Jul 1996	Hobby Hoarse "What lobbyists are to politi c s ,..."
2 Jul 1996	Money Changes Everything "It seems that the concep t o f..."
1 Jul 1996	Glutteous Magneticus "The arrival in many state s o f..."
	Jun 1996
28 Jun 1996	Wiping the Slate Clean "It's the principle that gove r n s..."
27 Jun 1996	Hit & Run XL "There are those that c a l l..."
26 Jun 1996	Sex and the Single URL "Ok, so you've exchanged sm o k y..."
25 Jun 1996	Come On Down "There's a new twist to the stal e..."
24 Jun 1996	Dining with Cannibals "Soyle n t G r e e n..."
21 Jun 1996	America's Most Affronted "America's Most Wan t e d a t..."
20 Jun 1996	Hit & Run XXXIX "It's 10 A.M. and you're perch e d..."
19 Jun 1996	Drunk on Futurism "Futurism isn't what it used to be -..."
18 Jun 1996	Just Your @#$*ing Type "There oughta be a word (if not a..."
17 Jun 1996	What, Are You On Drugs? "Self-induced catatonia has al w a y s..."
14 Jun 1996	As Baud As They Want Him To Be "Like most media hounds, th e i r..."
13 Jun 1996	Hit & Run XXXVIII "It's an inescapable fact t h a t..."
12 Jun 1996	The Empower Rangers "The under-12 demographic fol l o w s..."
11 Jun 1996	Sibling Rhapsody "Remember Billy Ca r t e r ?..."
10 Jun 1996	Flack Jacket "If it consumes bandwidth, i t ' s..."
7 Jun 1996	First Online Story "The Internet, besides b e i n g..."
6 Jun 1996	Hit & Run XXXVII "It's hard to forge a successf u l..."
5 Jun 1996	A Touch of Gray "A whole new group of lemmings ha s..."
4 Jun 1996	Find Your Own Road "I have a dream. A dream of mythic..."
3 Jun 1996	use.net "They ride into town, pit c h a..."
	May 1996
31 May 1996	The Usual Suspects "To: Dobbs Operation: Tower of Babble Status:..."
30 May 1996	Hit & Run XXXVI "It's difficult for us to disli k e..."
29 May 1996	Ye of Little Faith "Trend analyst Faith Popco r n i s..."
28 May 1996	Shlock Soup "Retirement's always a good wa y t o..."
27 May 1996	Legal Unease "The reservoir of content cal l e d..."
24 May 1996	not.investing "It's high time we took a seriou s..."
23 May 1996	Hit & Run XXXV "Rats to Katz: On the Web, ther e..."
22 May 1996	One-To-None Marketing "Time and time again, gro o v y..."
21 May 1996	Pezzling Evidence "Now I'm not deriding the fi n e..."
20 May 1996	ShowJobs "Francisco and land a job at on e..."
17 May 1996	Cheat Sheet "What defines genius? Cult u r a l..."
16 May 1996	Hit & Run XXXIV "Our New Yorker arrived late , s o..."
15 May 1996	Mission Implausible "In a country where carbona t e d..."
14 May 1996	Tooning Out "It's been some time since t h e..."
13 May 1996	Deus In Machina "The only thing that mi g h t..."
10 May 1996	Missed Manners "At once an admission that the ne w..."
9 May 1996	Hit & Run XXXIII "Faithful readers of Suck wil l n o..."
8 May 1996	Shrink Rap "Some days, life can seem crusti e r..."
7 May 1996	What's My Line? "Coyly multicultural I B M a d s..."
6 May 1996	New Media Exhumed "In years past, flipping some o n e..."
3 May 1996	Vice Grip "No one excels in the realm o f..."
2 May 1996	Hit & Run XXXII "We hope Colors's disavow a l o f..."
1 May 1996	Broke And Broker "A quick scan of the digit a l..."
	Apr 1996
30 Apr 1996	Fringe Groupies "The devil made them do i t ."
29 Apr 1996	Leave The Conniving To Us "The service was introduced l a s t..."
26 Apr 1996	I Want My MTV, Too "According to the show-biz tr a d e..."
25 Apr 1996	Hit & Run XXXI "Yahoo dropped the soap. In t h e..."
24 Apr 1996	Talk Was Cheap "Prior to Patent No. 174,4 6 5 ,..."
23 Apr 1996	Way New Fetishism "Social activists may r a l l y..."
22 Apr 1996	Radio Radio "Call it shovelware with rab b i t..."
19 Apr 1996	alt.information "Information, in lieu of ide a s -..."
18 Apr 1996	Hit & Run XXX "Flip channels in the l a t e..."
17 Apr 1996	Burn Baby Burn "The idea was to have a networ k..."
16 Apr 1996	Meltdown "Whether you're trying to ca t e r..."
15 Apr 1996	And The Bandwidth Played On "The optimist looks at the Web an d..."
12 Apr 1996	Nitecrawler "Past 2 AM, raining. There was n o..."
11 Apr 1996	Hit & Run XXIX "Ray Magliozzi 'Car Talk' gu y s ,..."
10 Apr 1996	C Is For Cookie "The first Thursday of ev e r y..."
9 Apr 1996	Serial Killing Time Episodics, the gathering: Friends, with handguns
8 Apr 1996	Have It Your Way "These days, the face of the We b..."
5 Apr 1996	Greased Lightning "It's not snake oil they ' r e..."
4 Apr 1996	Hit & Run XXVIII "Old media reporters must rea l l y..."
3 Apr 1996	Couch Potatoes From value chain to food chain in 3 weeks
2 Apr 1996	Cosmetic Depth At the-body-shop.com, beauty is only two clicks deep
1 Apr 1996	After The Fall: The Web Leftovers Time Daily Reports
	Mar 1996
29 Mar 1996	You're Killing Me "Mr. Samsa was no cockroa c h ,..."
28 Mar 1996	Hit & Run XXVII Cool as Hell-vetica! More sites that are serif-fic!
27 Mar 1996	Information Underload "If watching old-school m e d i a..."
26 Mar 1996	Gross Anatomy "If the first misappropriation of technology is..."
25 Mar 1996	It's A Mall, Mall World "Like Bruce Springsteen, dB A S E ,..."
22 Mar 1996	BranDead "Consider Juvenal's time - w o r n..."
21 Mar 1996	Hit & Run XXVI "Right To Regulate The Intern e t '..."
20 Mar 1996	Content Is as Content Does "Every day, we confron t t h e..."
19 Mar 1996	Learning To Fly "When a fat pheasant rises fr o m..."
18 Mar 1996	Global Village Idiots What if Fluffy was one of us?
15 Mar 1996	Murky Brown "If information is power, then t h e..."
14 Mar 1996	Hit & Run XXV "Whatever happened to the Fire f l y..."
13 Mar 1996	cApital Offense A treatise on the death of capital-ism
12 Mar 1996	Dearth of a Salesman The Infomercial King pisses on the Blarney Stone
11 Mar 1996	Demo D'Merrier No matter what happens, keep prattling on
8 Mar 1996	FYI Coping with 411 directory insistence
7 Mar 1996	Hit & Run XXIV In cyberspace, no one can hear you cream
6 Mar 1996	You May Already Be A Wiener In the awards sweepstakes, it's a Smalley world after all
5 Mar 1996	Ad About You We went to a conference and all we got was this lousy story
4 Mar 1996	Whirl Around the WorldNet Every local ISP just went belly-up
1 Mar 1996	S Stands for Sell Swill, and TED's Excellent Adventure
	Feb 1996
29 Feb 1996	Hit & Run XXIII Ellison's Goad news, live, from megacorp.com
28 Feb 1996	Salvaging Salvo What happens when George starts stroking that big gun
27 Feb 1996	Six Degrees of Recrimination Ernie Warren's tragicomic HTML markup
26 Feb 1996	AOLephantiasis Meet the uberati's New Man, Ted Leonsis
23 Feb 1996	Sit and Spin The Ween of the Web sings a swan song for Spin
22 Feb 1996	Hit & Run XXII Sticking it to Angelique, Cheryl, and Jackie, in the Bronx
21 Feb 1996	Sit and Spin Satiating our taste bauds with Otter Pops
20 Feb 1996	Jean Splicing Faded memories of the casual uniformity of levis.com
19 Feb 1996	Three-fisted Tales of...Mirth "In the post-humor wor l d o f..."
16 Feb 1996	Xanadu Redux, Part I Performance art at the W3C
15 Feb 1996	Hit & Run XXI "The latest issue of Time on l y..."
14 Feb 1996	OK Marketing Things are going to be OK (TM)
13 Feb 1996	Fluff Love Sometimes the line between plush toy and push toy becomes a little blurry
12 Feb 1996	The Devil You Know Why Blackbird's cock robin act made 1995 like 1984
9 Feb 1996	A Special Media Moment Playing the race card with Geraldo at Time
8 Feb 1996	Hit & Run XX "Almost as exciting as signing t h e..."
7 Feb 1996	Dysfunction's Function Got the Unction A ritual observation of the venal Equinox
6 Feb 1996	Persistence of... Something When you mix cool and hot media, you don't get a McDLT
5 Feb 1996	Cramping Our Style An application of the rag to tampax.com
2 Feb 1996	Extra Value Meal We deserve a FreeRide today, and everyday
1 Feb 1996	Hit & Run XIX A shocked Beavis asks the Journal to pull Microsoft's finger
	Jan 1996
31 Jan 1996	Miss Sarajevo Snapple. We wept. We cried. It's over. Go home
30 Jan 1996	Wired For Dummies As the world Turners in the Spiv cycle
29 Jan 1996	Sublimating Aggression A marathon descent into the Blood Bowl
26 Jan 1996	YAJSU's Sun-roasted Java JavaSoft shows its delicate underbelly
25 Jan 1996	Hit & Run XVIII Drinking to Suck on ladies' night
24 Jan 1996	Agents Provocateurs Software that acts intelligent for you
23 Jan 1996	Play MiSTie For Me Comedy Central adds a little mystery to the science theater
22 Jan 1996	Designing Imposters A blow-by-blow of a site that doesn't suck
19 Jan 1996	Flowers for Butt-head There's little virtual about Virtual Stupidity
18 Jan 1996	Hit & Run XVII Four months to live with an impotent Duchamp
17 Jan 1996	The Other Java Where the local digerati go to meet and greet
16 Jan 1996	TV Guide Writ Cool Watch it devolve: Glenn Davis attempts to project cool
15 Jan 1996	The Doctor is IN Ferndale introduces us to the hypocritic oath
12 Jan 1996	Dig We Must It's realllllly cooooool at the Wiener Roast
11 Jan 1996	Hit & Run XVI Boredom and indignation at MacWorld Expo
10 Jan 1996	The Bookmark Less Traveled Bookmark 'em all, let God sort 'em out
9 Jan 1996	Roostermoose Lays An Egg High self esteem for the net-endowed
8 Jan 1996	The Rule There is one Rule, and one Rule only
5 Jan 1996	Momentary Lapse of Treason Traffic jams to the beat of dark hearts
4 Jan 1996	Hit & Run XV Continuing in our descent to buns, hooters, and Vienna Sausages
3 Jan 1996	Speed Racer Has Left The Building The loopy, day-glo utopia of Saturday morning fever
2 Jan 1996	All Dressed Up With No Place To Go At SFNYE, everything old is new again