We applaud an astrological system that gives monkeys and dogs an honored place in the heavens. But trying to dope out the arcane workings of the Chinese zodiac is enough to make anybody exclaim, like Jim Kelly in Enter the Dragon, "Bullshit, Mr. Han-man!" Herewith, we offer a celestial menagerie that even urban sophisticates of 2000 can appreciate.

words the Sucksters   pictures Terry Colon