"a fish, a barrel, and a smoking gun"
for 24 December 1999. Updated every WEEKDAY.


What's Christmas if not a chance to pass off your most distressed hand-me-downs as distinctive family heirlooms? The following Suck features will bring you and your family hours of yuletide joy. Polly Esther comes down the chimney with two features: Jingle Bell Schlock gives insight into the many ways that hype defeats hope, while The Night Before Christmas has the Hack and the Fish in a very special holiday episode. For a brief history of the gift-getting season, take the Suck way-back machine all the way to December 1996 — back when St. Nicholas was still running a homeless shelter in Turkey — and read Toys for Naught, St. Huck's examination of a toy craze that time forgot. And if you're looking for the perfect gift idea, How to Buy Suck provides a shopping solution that's guaranteed to wipe smiles off faces everywhere. We'll see you again next week; until then, remember that Santa likes his eggnog spiked with brandy, not rum.


The Sucksters

courtesy of the Sucksters