"a fish, a barrel, and a smoking gun"
for 15 November 1999. Updated every WEEKDAY.


Like an endless oriental rug going-out-of-business sale, Suck's content cavalcade is really just an excruciatingly drawn-out attempt to generate excitement for unwanted product. If you've been reading for any time, that's probably not news to you, but we could hardly miss a chance to draw your attention to our fine collection of fashions, home entertainment products and cubic zirconia accessories. Mark Dancey and Dave Merline provide expert rock-ommendations for the single gal in How to Judge a Man by His CD Collection, while Chickenhead Papa John Wooden sings the canine electric in New Adventures in Critterdom. For a bold look into the future of toiletries, read Johnny Cache's Mock 3, or learn how to dress for Suck-cess with the reasonably priced gear in James Bong's J. Suckerman Catalogue. While you're sinking your teeth into these classics, we'll get back to pondering why, with all this great merchandise to offer, we still can't convince anybody to buy a stupid T-shirt.

courtesy of the Sucksters