Belle & Sebastian — The Boy with the Arab Strap

Although the prospect of motherhood may appeal to you, you would probably prefer that your child be an infant and not a grown man who acts like one. Should you discover this CD in his collection, you'd be well advised to keep all your maternal instincts in check; otherwise you'll be spending the night coddling, mollifying, and sympathizing instead of cuddling, making out, and screwing. After a few seemingly endless hours of his incessant whining and irrational ranting, you'll wonder whether you shouldn't be charging him $75 an hour for any future dates. If it turns out that he's a professional music critic (and if he owns this CD he almost certainly is), odds are that he's a bed-wetter and probably allergic to sex.

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