"a fish, a barrel, and a smoking gun"
for 21 April 1999. Updated every WEEKDAY.

Filler 4.21.99


"Why doesn't Filler ask more probing questions?" you ask probingly. Who is left in this fickle, fickle world to pose the really important, really hard-hitting questions, like ...

Q: Why must I be a teenager in love?

A: Because someone's gotta be klutzy and acne covered and goo-goo eyed and moony. Someone's gotta get really nervous and sweat stinkily and say too much and ruin everything. Someone's gotta be heartbroken and sullen and suicidal. It's like the military: Everyone pays their dues upfront. If you didn't go through the horrible nightmare of teenage love, then you'd stay all idealistic and romantic, and there'd be all these naive, sentimental, glassy-eyed swine traipsing around listening to Don Henley and writing lame love poems all the damn time.

Q: Why don't we do it in the road?

A: Who said I was even remotely attracted to you?

Q: Why do people either loathe or love people who are the most like them?

A: Because people generally have very strong feelings about themselves. Of course, there are those people who sort of kind of like themselves a little, but not that much. Avoid those people at all costs. While you're at it, avoid actresses, conceptual artists, and those who work in public relations at all costs. Unless you fit into one of those categories. In which case: What's your deal, anyway?

Q: What's love got to do with it?

A: Way, way too much.

Q: How can you just walk away from me, when all I can do is watch you leave?

A: It's pretty easy, actually.

Q: Where have all the flowers gone?

A: Up your butt.

Next ... More stupid crap.



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