Dear Polly,

I need your help. I have the joy of dabbling in customer satisfaction for a small company. Right now I'm writing a letter to a customer who pissed me off - although all of the little pooftas that buy our crap piss me off in one way or another. This guy's an LA music industry loser who is "extremely dissatisfied" with the size of his merchandise (the size of your what?). He threatened to impact our business negatively by steering his industry bros toward other companies. I'd like to yank his esophagus out and tie it in a little bow.

Do you have any suggestions as to how I might hurt him with words in a very personal way?

You are my number one administrator,


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