ARE YOU FEELING GUILTY?

Just how riddled by guilt are you, and how justified is said guilt? Take this stupid little quiz and find out instantly!


1. When you talk to your mother, do you inevitably feel bad because you....

a. Got off the phone too quickly?

b. Talked about yourself too much?

c. Didn't listen to a goddamn thing she had to say?

d. Called her a worthless cunt for the second time this week?


2. You're riding in the car. You see a dog without a leash running toward the freeway. What do you do?

a. Feel guilty because you don't feel like stopping to see if the dog is lost

b. Feel guilty because the dog was dragging a leash behind it and was headed straight for an oncoming car

c. Feel guilty because if the dog did, in fact, get hit by a car, you know you wouldn't be the one to volunteer to take it to the hospital

d. Feel guilty because when you had a dog, you never took it on walks, and one day you let it out without a leash on and it got hit by a car, just like that dog's about to

e. Feel guilty because you just called your mother an ugly old dog


3. You see a penny in the street, heads up. What do you do?

a. Feel guilty that you didn't pick it up and give it to the homeless person sitting a few feet away

b. Feel guilty that you didn't pick it up, even though it was lucky-side up, because you're feeling pretty lucky to be alive lately, and that seems very unfair to most other people

c. Feel guilty that you didn't pick it up because you just don't need the money

d. Feel guilty because you just don't need the money and so many people all over the globe do, plus they have to wear ugly clothes and they don't get to play Tetris and they always seem to get killed by hurricanes and whatnot, and yet you never send any money away to those relief funds, and a girl with a Unicef box came by the other day and you politely told her to fuck right off

e. Feel guilty because you just told your mother her beard looks just like Abraham Lincoln's


4. You just had sex. It wasn't that goddamn good, frankly. How do you feel?

a. Guilty that the sex clearly wasn't that good for your partner

b. Guilty that you don't feel guilty that the sex wasn't that good for your partner

c. Guilty that you could see, while you were having sex, that it wasn't that good for your partner, but you did nothing to change it

d. Guilty that you thought about Paul Newman covered in creamy delicious goat cheese the whole time

e. Guilty that you thought about your stupid cunt mother the whole time




Answer Key
1. b, 2. c, 3. d, 4. d



 
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