S U C K

"a fish, a barrel, and a smoking gun"
for 14 January 1999. Updated every WEEKDAY.
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
Hit & Run CLXI

 

[on vacation i got the unforseen added bonus of 
experiencing reverse discrimination first hand. 
]

Freetown in ruins. An air war over Iraq. Mad

bombers ravaging Kisangani, and

a Roberto Benigni movie playing

at theaters everywhere. As

offenses against international

peace continue to rise, Tom

Cropper's "Simple Song of Peace"

may be just what Kofi Annan

ordered. In a manually

circulated email, Cropper, who

hails from a part of Maryland

close to Wye plantation,

recounted his meeting with Oslo

native Maarten Willemse. The

meeting led to the realization

that "we were both from areas

identified with the furtherance

of Peace" and, finally, to a

visionary dream in which

thousands join in singing a song

for "those struggling without

Peace." Sure enough, the song is

now a reality, and you can join

the chorus with a sound file of

your karaoking self, which will

be mixed into a LiveAid of

global unknowns. We caught up

with Cropper to see how we could

help spread the message.

 

Would you say "Simple Song"

is closer in spirit to Hands

Across America or the Harmonic

Convergence?

 

"It's along those lines. I'm a

programmer, so I think in

programming terms. The idea is

for people to record in their

own homes; then we digitally mix

the voices together."

 

Are you related to the legendary

guitarist Steve Cropper?

 

"No. Good call, but my

background is in writing

software."

 

When writing software, people

usually include comments to

explain what their code is

doing. Will you provide comments

- say, "This verse will really

help out the Angolans." - to

explain "Simple Song"?

 

"When I put together a Web site

for it, I may go into the

meaning behind some of the

lyrics. For example, there's a

line about enemies that says,

'Meet him and hug him and help

him to soar / If you kill him

today, sir, his sons will kill

yours.' The comment there might

be, 'Hate breeds hate; violence

breeds retribution. That's not

what peace is all about.'"

 

That "sir" has kind of a

Springsteen feeling to it. But

right now, heavy metal is

supposed to be making a

comeback. Will "Simple Song"

have any kind of metal feeling?

 

"It's more of an acoustic

guitar, keep-Peace-alive type

song."

 

The Israelis and Palestinians

both accuse each other of

violating the Wye Agreement and

the Oslo Accords. Will that

affect the singing of the song?

 

"No, absolutely not. We're

thinking of it more on a

personal level - people to

people - rather than on a

governmental level. We've had a

lot of response from people

around the world: Russia, China,

Gaza. People are getting the

word through the Net."

 

What's a fjord?

 

"There's a great one that leads

right into Oslo. It's a really

gorgeous waterway. I don't know

if they always go out to the

sea."

 

What can our readers do to help

out with the "Simple Song of

Peace"?

 

"Right now, we're just asking

people to email me for

information about the song. I'm

working with text to make an

easy way for people to listen to

the music, sing it, and mix it

on an MP3 box."

 

Increase the Peace!

 

[ many might not realise it but
our 50th state is not well
populated by white anglos. 
]

Just a few weeks ago, we were

getting spammed for Alan

Marshall's book Brothers Beware:

Games Black Women Play. Now

we've been propositioned again,

this time for Stefan Feller's book

How to Juggle Women: Without

Getting Killed or Going Broke.

This essential guide for the

seasoned dating man who needs

help organizing the women in his

life offers tips on scheduling,

time-saving methods that will

increase availability, and

financial planning for the man

who's surrounded by grasping

gold diggers. Like R. Don Steele

and the men of Steel Balls, whose

How to Date Young Women: For Men

Over 35 has been bought by more

than 12,000 hopeful Anthony

Quinns, Feller's book (motto:

"Forget the saying, 'For every

man there is a woman out there.'

Now it will be, 'For every man

there are at least three

women.'") is an e-commerce

product that hints at the

profound evolution of Internet

users over the past few years.

Whether or not these prospective

sultans and aging studs are

actually getting any results

from their training, it's pretty

clear we've come a long way from

the days when the ideal book to

sell online was How to Say Hello

to a Real-Life Woman Without

Breaking Out in Shingles.

 

[ fine i say.  what has been a result of that and the 
social situations that go along with any minority is that the kids grow up 
viewing whites as different, which, i a way they are.
]

If none of these books can perk

up your love life, you might

want to try Blue Nitro, the

available-in-stores GHB

substitute that promises to help

you sleep better, lose weight

faster than a barrel of Herbal

Therm 777, and most important,

put a whole lot of lead in your

pencil. Unlike GHB, Blue Nitro

has not yet been named as the

Michael Finn in any date rape

cases, but the minty green

liquid has been connected with a

series of comas in California.

One 71-year-old Monterey

resident was hospitalized after

a wacky

hey-that's-my-denture-glass

mix-up in which the aged Romeo

accidentally took a swig from

what he thought was a bedside

water bottle. Officials from the

Drug Enforcement Administration,

the Food and Drug

Administration, and the Poison

Control Center are conducting a

public information campaign to

warn of the drug's dangers. But

even if this doesn't turn out to

be another example of the DEA's

antidrug disinformation (like

the old strychnine-in-LSD

canard), a drug that makes you

lose consciousness after coitus

seems like it would just be

giving us more of what we

already have.

 

[to my amusment, one of rockstar's little 8-year-old cousins told me i was a 
ghost in her surprise at my knowing her name.]

Then again, if instruction

manuals and drugs don't help,

there's always the home alone

score. Proving those old dual

principles - everything old is

new again and real hooters are

better - Retroraunch is offering

a catalog of backward looking

sex highlights. But unlike such

established practitioners as

Nostalgia Porn, which have only

managed to pimp the Cocktail

Nation's hunger for cheesecake,

Retroraunch's century and more

of smut shows a breadth of

historical interest worthy of

Edward Gibbon. Items include

fetish pix, Tijuana Bibles, and

interracial hard-core "from as

far back as the Civil War!"

Which begs the question: Given

the prehistoric pedigree of

porn, how far back will we go in

creating new niche markets?

Shakespeare in Love, with its

realization of the myth that the

Elizabethans were as randy as

they were unhygienic, would seem

to have opened up the

Renaissance to more daring

artists, but beyond that, what's

next? More Roman films with

"additional footage directed by

Bob Guccione"? Inter-species

hard-core between Cro-Magnons

and Neanderthals? Hot

trilobite-trilobite action?

 

[the funniest part is that she probably didn't realise it was a slur, but hey, it's not so bad.
she was the only one between 6 and 18 years old that actualy spoke to me.]

Drudge Report readers now know

for certain that Danny Williams

has "been told all of his life

by his mother that Bill Clinton

is his father." This phrase was

included in every one of the

reports Drudge filed on

Clinton's "Latest DNA

Nightmare," and right now we

don't know who to feel sorrier

for: Williams, who turns out

not to share DNA with the man

over 35 who can score with

younger women, or Drudge, who

has been reduced to filing an

ungodly number of stories

(estimated by experts at

somewhere near umpteen) on an

8-year-old rumor that, even

if true, would have left Clinton

guilty of a peccadillo that has

been accepted presidential

behavior for more than 100

years. If Drudge had an ounce of

self-deprecation, his current

debacle might seem pathetic in

the Greek sense rather than

merely lame in the geek sense.

As it is, we're left to

speculate on how low yesterday's

hero's star has sunk. For our

official estimate of the

situation, tune in tomorrow.

We'll report further as

circumstances warrant.




courtesy of the Sucksters