SEASON'S BEATINGS (cont.)
THE DREADED "POT LUCK" THANKSGIVING
It's your own damn fault. You should've known better than to spend
Thanksgiving with this sort of a liberal. She's got all kinds of
multicultural vegetarian friends, and they come up with this brilliant
concept: Everyone bring a dish that represents his or her own cultural
background! Meat-free options are strongly encouraged! So there you are, gazing
at curried beets; focaccia; hot and spicy noodles; whole-wheat,
sugar-free apple pie with peels; and a tofu turkey that's bigger than a
real turkey. Needless to say, your disappointment is only heightened by the
conversation over dinner....
THE "NOT ENOUGH TIME OFF TO REALLY DO ANYTHING" THANKSGIVING
You've got one day off. Just one. Thanksgiving Day. Not enough time to go
home, not enough time to even go shopping. You didn't plan ahead at all,
since you knew you had only one day off. So the night before, you call all your friends to find a dinner,
any dinner, to join, knowing full well you won't know anyone there. So much
for family tradition.
THE DREADED "I DON'T NEED STUPID TRADITIONS LIKE THANKSGIVING" THANKSGIVING
You've screwed up Thanksgiving before. This year, you've vowed not to
repeat the mistakes of the past. No plan sounds quite right: Your friend
Jon can't cook. Your boyfriend is going to his brother's for dinner. Your girlfriends
are going to Hawaii, but you've made that mistake before. So this year,
you're going to ignore Thanksgiving. You don't need it! The night before,
you rent A Perfect Murder, buy several pints of Ben & Jerry's, and roll a few
joints. "This is going to be the best Thanksgiving ever!" you think. Think
A PERFECT THANKSGIVING!
Similar to A Perfect Murder, which ends as all Michael Douglas movies should end, with his slow demise and untimely death, "A Perfect
Thanksgiving" is a work of total fiction. The perfect Thanksgivings you
remember weren't actually perfect.
Still, here's hoping your Thanksgiving is as good as it can be.