Your little take on Monicagate is all well and good, but I want to know why no one cares a shit about the real victim of this scandal, Monica Lewinsky!

<straydog34@aol.com>

MOVIES ABOUT THE REAL VICTIMS OF MONICAGATE!

A PRESIDENT'S DAUGHTER CRIES ALL THE DAMN TIME

A heartbreaking coming-of-age story that takes us from the halls of the White House to the grassy lawns of Stanford University. A shockingly honest look at the trials and tribulations of a once-homely girl who turned babelicious and got into the party school of her dreams, only to be plagued by the missteps of her horndog Daddy!

ROUNDER

She's a devil-may-care brunette with the shiniest, bounciest hair you've ever seen, and she's got it all. That is, until the Starr Report comes out. Suddenly she finds herself staying at her mother's house, entering a world she's never known - a world of long afternoon naps and soap operas, a world of fudge-covered cookies and bad magazines. Will she ever get her fabulous, albeit undeserved, job back? Will she ever bring her sullied reputation back to its previous bad-but-at-least-not-internationally-renowned status? Several boxes of soft-and-chewy homestyle oatmeal cookies lie between her and the truth!

GENNIFER FLOWERS FOR ALGERNON

One mouse with a hankering for cheese. One blonde with a hunger for cheesy press. After several months on an experimental press-avoidance drug, Gennifer finds herself actually enjoying anonymity, away from the spotlight, the flash of the cameras, the late-night calls from GOP operatives. The mouse, who's on the same miracle drug, stops scurrying through endless mazes for a hunk of gorgonzola and settles down to the quiet life as well. But just as Gennifer vows never to do 20/20 again, the mouse breaks out and gorges itself on a massive block of cheddar. Gennifer knows she's doomed. Sure enough, she's sending Hard Copy baby pictures by the week's end.

Next ... More Monica Movie Madness!