The perfect gift for all those irksome guys who aren't even buying you expensive shit, but still demand that you patiently listen to the dull details of their egocentric existences like some kind of a sucker.

Voice-activated, it responds to each self-important statement, each sweeping generalization, each purposeless digression. Responses are coy yet supportive, so that your needy guy friends can keep tooting their own little horns without interruption, thereby freeing up your time for more important things, like men with lots of buying power and big, huge, gigantic penises!

The Virtual Girlfriend has four appropriate modes: Oooing, Ahhing, Thinly Veiled Condescension, and Full-Court Press.


  • Ooo! Sounds like you showed them who's boss!
  • You're obviously the smartest guy in the whole office.
  • You look so good in your boxers. Have you been lifting weights again?


  • You're so hilarious! I can't stop laughing!
  • I hope she doesn't find out how good you are in bed! She might try to steal you from me!
  • Oh my god, you're so adorable. I can't stand it!
  • God, I'm sooooo lucky to be with you!

Thinly Veiled Condescension

  • Oh! That's so nice - for you.
  • Well, what do you know? Even more proof that you're a genius.
  • Can I guess at the ending? I'm gonna guess that he was wrong, and you were ... right! Am I right? You were right, right?

Full-Court Press

  • We need to talk.
  • Is this just about you getting laid?
  • Am I wasting my time?
  • I consider this relationship an investment. Am I making a good return? What do you think?

Next ... Our whole family of virtual products interacts seamlessly.

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