THE VIRTUAL FRIEND!

The perfect gift for all those irksome depressed friends who just can't stop talking about their stupid problems!


Voice-activated, it responds to each droning lament, each self-indulgent digression, each self-pitying nonsequitur. Responses are brief, but create a warm, understanding environment so that your depressed friends can continue to "let their feelings out" without requiring constant attention, thereby freeing up your time for more important things ... like social drinking or sports!

The Virtual Friend has four appropriate modes: Deeply Understanding, Sympathetic, Fascinated, or Feeling Your Outrage.

Deeply Understanding

  • Wow. I can't believe it.
  • That must really hurt.
  • I can see why you'd react that way.

Sympathetic

  • How horrible for you!
  • I know exactly what you're going through.
  • God! I'm getting all teary-eyed just thinking about it.

Fascinated

  • Incredible. How did you two meet?
  • This would make a great novel - once you've gotten past the pain a little more, I mean.

Feeling Your Outrage

  • What an asshole!
  • I would be absolutely furious!
  • I'll go and beat the shit out of him/her for you, if that'll help.



 

words
Polly Esther

pictures
Terry Colon

 
 
 



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