Landlocked Surf Shop Employee
- Decor gives the illusion of being in a tropical place, even though you're three hours from the nearest beach.
- About once a year, an actual surfer comes in.
- Preteen punk-asses bugging you every two seconds about things you can't understand.
- Preteen punk-asses watching skate videos in the store all day.
- Preteen punk-asses doing loud, dangerous, but visually dull stunts in strip mall parking lot.
- Fetching stickers and skate parts you don't know the names of
- Remaining sane when there's exactly nothing to do
- Calling the ambulance when one of the preteen punk-asses in the parking lot breaks his collarbone or gets run over by a car
Managerial Mantra: "Dude, me and Jeff are gone this weekend -
Wilmington's got like 3-foot waves! Have fun, close whenever it slows down,
whatever, dude. It's chill."
Definite Sign of Mental Instability: You're beginning to understand
the appeal of a 540 McTwist when gracefully executed.
- If you can read and write, the people at your temp agency will think you're a Rhodes scholar.
- If you piss one agency off, you can always join another one.
- One word: Temporary.
- Temp agencies are traditionally run by deceitful, manipulative, two-faced liars with out-of-date expectations ("You do know WordPerfect, right?").
- Eventually, you'll run out of agencies - or lose the will to live. We're betting the latter will precede the former.
- Maintaining a high tolerance for hours of envelope-licking and other repetitive-motion tasks
- Enduring unknown office environments whose inhabitants consider you several rungs below an intestinal parasite on the corporate ladder
Managerial Mantra: "Until you score higher on the DOS test, we can't
get you $8 an hour."
Definite Sign of Mental Instability: You don't develop murderous
fantasies involving a gun-toting showdown at your temp agency.
- No need to be cheery, young, or upbeat.
- Unlike all the other low-level jobs, this one teaches you skills you just might use again.
When you paint in an air-conditioned apartment, your colleagues will insist on keeping the windows shut. This will give you a very bad headache. The next morning, you'll have trouble formulating sentences.
- Scraping paint off the walls without creating big holes
- Spackling big holes without creating bigger holes
- Waking quickly from a nap when you hear the foreman coming
Managerial Mantra: "We got this apartment, then we got nothin',
we're outta work. So, uh ... take your time."
Definite Sign of Mental Instability: You're beginning to consider
watching Seinfeld reruns for intellectual stimulation.
Next ... The lowest-level job in the world!