KIDS TODAY ARE INCREASINGLY ANNOYING AND SHALLOW!
Just as you may have suspected, recent studies indicate that young people today are, indeed, more annoying and more shallow than ever before.
As you can see, annoyingness of 15- to 35-year-olds has been steadily increasing for the last 35 years, with a jump around 1982, perhaps not coincidentally the same year that the song "Mickey" was released. Corresponding increases in peskiness, irksomeness, and sheer tediousness have also been charted.
Likewise, subjects in the same age group have been becoming more and more shallow since 1960, with notable increases in the late '80s and late '90s. Some researchers are linking recent increases in shallowness to causes ranging from the boom economy to the recent televising of the XGames, which, however fun they may be to watch, feature people so shallow they spend upwards of 40 hours a week learning how to do handstands on the seats of their mountain bikes.
We can only hope that with more highly scientific studies like this one, disheartening trends among our youth will remain well publicized, so that the older and wiser members of society can continue to shake their heads and tsk tsk and pontificate loudly about where those foolish young people went astray.