"a fish, a barrel, and a smoking gun"
GUESSING AT ANTIQUITY
Does the history timeline in your mind look something like this?
Please note that, according to the mind's eye, "Dad's birthday" and "My birthday" are about as far apart as "Jesus" and "Columbus." Also note that the key individuals chosen to represent the History of Humankind include Dad, Grandpa, Jesus, Columbus, Cavemen. Additionally, the only woman, "Lucy," is some kind of half-ape.
Now let's try to focus in on recent history, to see if more important details arise.
Welcome to the fabulous world of The Well-Educated Imbecile.