The Perfect Friend Is ...

• Dependable, but not dependent.
• Caring, but not jealous or possessive.
• Entertaining, but not some kind of fucking comedian.
• A good listener, but not a mute.
• Non-confrontational, but not passive-aggressive.
• Fun, but not a drunk, especially not a mean drunk.
• Optimistic, but not unquestioning.
• Analytical, but not some kind of fucking therapist.
• Tolerant of the fact that I don't fit any of these criteria.