"a fish, a barrel, and a smoking gun"
for 6 March 1998. Updated every WEEKDAY.





[yeah, you bet. ]

Rarely is it the perfect blendship. If your friends aren't angry because you blew them off, they're blowing you off. If they're not constantly confronting you with complaints, they're stewing in their own juices or complaining about you behind your back. If they're not stealing the last bite of your roast beef sub, they're absconding with your favorite books and never returning them or ruining your favorite sweater or spilling bongwater all over your white carpet or scratching your favorite CDs or stealing your boyfriend or blaming you for their need for therapy.

And it would probably still work out fine, if you weren't just as bad as they are. So you're left to make new friends to replace the old (one's annoying, and the other's cold). Because what else is there to do, besides give up on friendship entirely and become isolated and alienated and lose all your social skills until you're un-befriendable - let alone mentally unstable and unemployable?

We've tried it before - it's unpleasant. Just remember that resigning yourself to your current friendships doesn't mean you can't keep searching for ... The Perfect Friend.

Next ... Searching for Jolly Fetcher


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