"a fish, a barrel, and a smoking gun"
for 6 February 1998. Updated every WEEKDAY.





Most people express the vast majority of their thoughts using the following words: stuff, things, like, weird, cool, sucks, lame, great, really, totally, and fuck. Moronic language that was once limited to surfers and valley girls is now heard coming out of the mouths of English professors and mere mortals alike. Enter Suck, with a whole slew of tips on improving your communication skills.

Just remember, this is not a prescription for "cool" speech, but rather a guide to richer, more multifaceted ways of expressing yourself. Naturally, the main thing that you'll be expressing is the fact that you're a punctilious dork, managing to escape the usual claptrap by realizing that language can go farther, and that luminous beings are we, not this crude matter, which allows you, in turn, to bestride the narrow world like a colossus. Kind of.

Next ... Be a luminous being - or just sound like one!