S U C K

"a fish, a barrel, and a smoking gun"
for 14 January 1998. Updated every WEEKDAY.
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
Filler: 1.14.98
 

THERE IS NO BLOODY RESOLUTION

It's that time of year again! You've done your laundry, paid your credit card minimum, maybe you've even finished off those sugar cookies once and for all. Your post-holiday depression has subsided but there's something else ... a feeling that's rather unfamiliar to a slack, stick-in-the-mud, unmotivated, unambitious lump like yourself. A feeling you haven't felt since ... exactly a year ago! That's right ... once again it's time for ...

RESOLUTION ANXIETY!

Telltale symptoms:

  • The undeniable feeling that you've accomplished nothing in life, and you're destined to continue accomplishing nothing until you die one day and you have nothing to show for it.

  • The unmistakable feeling that, instead of figuring out a way to accomplish something meaningful in life, you'll be eating pizza and reading those long articles in Vanity Fair.

 

Next ... Great Expectations!

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