"a fish, a barrel, and a smoking gun"
for 7 January 1998. Updated every WEEKDAY.
Filler: 1.7.98


You just put the Christmas tree or the menorah or that little statue of Satan away, and now you're feeling kind of funny. Depressed, yes, and listless, sluggish, and thoroughly unmotivated to get out of bed in the morning, let alone go into ... work. Yuck.

Nothing out of the ordinary so far, right? That's what you think, at least, until you get into work. You're wearing your favorite new outfit, constructed entirely from crafty post-Christmas exchanges. You treated yourself to an extra shot of espresso in your latté, you even allowed yourself a nice fat chocolate croissant, supposedly to get you through the gloom of your first day back (see also: Holiday Cookie Intake: The Roots of Sugar Addiction).

Yet, when you've sorted through that load of email, when all that's left of the croissant and coffee is a pile of pastry flakes on your desk, a bitter aftertaste, and an uneasy acidic quivering in your stomach, when all you have left to do is actual, real, everyday work, you're filled with a sense of dread so unspeakable you can't even speak about it.

To make sure you're experiencing full-blown Post-Holiday Depression, and not just being a wimp, review the handy analysis of PHD and its discontents. (Grad students! Bahaha.)



Watch for these telltale symptoms:

  • Compulsion to tell extremely weak jokes
  • Decreased pulse
  • Sudden shortness of breath
  • Sudden shortness of temper
  • Increased sugar intake
  • Sensation that most bad moods can be solved by eating something sugary
  • Anger and increased depression following digestion of things sugary
  • Feelings of relative worthlessness
  • Feeling that your relatives are worthless
  • Hunger for Chic-Fil-A and/or Orange Julius
  • Hesitancy to leave the house
  • Hesitancy to get out of bed



Next ... The 5 Stages of Post-Holiday Depression!

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