S U C K

"a fish, a barrel, and a smoking gun"
for 26 December 1997. Updated every WEEKDAY.
 

 
In 1998 ...
 

The next rev of Tamagotchi will be Decompogotchi, which teaches the value of caring for and nurturing the dead. Separate button combinations will let kids throw lime on their pets to cover the unpleasant odor of putrefaction. Advanced versions will offer multi-religious interment options: Jews must be buried immediately; Catholics are to be left on view in hideous mortician's makeup; pall-bearers and pious ancestor worshippers will be sold separately, as will funeral packs, miniature black suits, and a burial game. The heated market for eschatoys will produce knockoffs like Toys R Us' Moldering Geoffrey; late in the year, George Lucas will quietly order Han, Luke, and Leia to be snuffed once and for all. A Jedi Funeral will be the biggest-selling CD-ROM of the Christmas season.

 

 

courtesy of the Sucksters