"a fish, a barrel, and a smoking gun"
for 19 December 1997. Updated every WEEKDAY.


They say love, like trust and respect, can be neither bought nor sold - but once won, is mighty like oak. Sounds special, but you wouldn't want to build a business model around it. We sure didn't. Oddly enough, though, we've yet to acquire either a Face-on-Mars-sized pile of dough or a NASA-engineered wheelbarrow to parade it around in. Operative term: yet. Starting from the principle of friends not letting friends drive drunk, we've devised a plan to help you help us help ourselves. We're not talking about a heaping helping of love, we're talking about the latest, greatest (OK: only) breadwinning stratagem from Suck HQ: Suck: Worst-Case Scenarios in Media, Culture, Advertising, and the Internet.

The finest in nonsense words and crazy talk, copied straight from the Suck servers, this resplendent print artifact isn't just a rehash of our favorite gristle, it's a 2-pound testimony to leisure time misused. New words, new illustrations, new design, and even a few new ideas that accidentally slipped past the editors - the time and care put into its creation represents a half year of our lives that could have been better put to use sniffing glue and urinating in friends' refrigerators at cocktail parties. That time can never be recovered. Is it too much too ask that our proud work find its way into the hands of a few thousand illiterates? No, sir. And with the help of a distributed network of shit-stirrers, Nyquil-addled miscreants, and bored students, our dream will become reality. Are you pumped, jazzed, amped to pitch in? Little matter, just read on.



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