DEFENSE MECHANISMS AND COUNTERATTACKS!

Unfortunately, based on your current condition, the few people who still consider themselves your friends will start to question or criticize your behavior. This will make you very defensive, angry, and hungry for one of those tapioca pudding cups from the fridge. But you'll know, deep down inside, that stewing in your own juices while inhaling tapioca is no real answer.

Instead, we'd suggest open confrontation and counterattacks. You're always right, right? Here's how to keep it that way.

Cry Condescension

Claim to be Above Normal Human Needs

Hint That They Don't Have All the Facts

Wonder Outloud Why It Bothers Them So Much

Accuse Them of Jealousy

The Old "Mind Your Own Business"

Point Out That What's Right for Them May Not Be Right For You

Finally ...

THE CURE

For your current state of mental distress, in five easy steps!

1. Shut up and stop feeling sorry for yourself (or at least write some hideously self-pitying music or poetry).

2. Mop your floor.

3. Scrub out your bathtub.

4. Go for a run.

5. Drink a nice cold glass of water.

6. Take a nice hot bath.

7. Learn a new skill.