A STEP TOO FAR
OK, so you're OLD. There are still things that you should never, ever do:
- Use the word "lover."
- Make people sign autographs.
- Order the Fish Fillet.
- Make advance Valentine's Day reservations for dinner and dancing at the Ritz-Carlton.
- Tell people the truth about what most people thought of Elvis back in the day.
- Refer to a table in a restaurant as "my table" even if it is, literally, your table.
- Drink powdered milk.
- Talk about aching.
- Attempt to appropriate the speech patterns of teenagers.
- Warn someone, "You're going to spoil your appetite."
- Smoke Kool Menthols.
Next ... The Privilege of Seniority