S U C K

"a fish, a barrel, and a smoking gun"
for 18 June 1997. Updated every WEEKDAY.
 
 

 
 
 

Filler: 06.18.97
 

REMEMBER WHEN ...

The web seemed like a brave new world, uncharted territory, wild like the wild, wild West? Remember when new media gurus walked around in South Park with smug looks on their faces, like they were the Cecil B. De Milles of digital Hollywood? Kinda makes you chuckle now, doesn't it?

Yep, times have changed. Realizing that they weren't the captains of industry they once fancied themselves, new media mavens have had to replace self-important attitudes, which leaned heavily on the success of the online world, with self-important attitudes based on different criteria. Introducing ...

 

THE NEWEST NEW MEDIA 'TUDE!

The "I Can Type Faster Than You Can" 'Tude

Mom always told him that Typing 101 would be the most valuable class he ever took, and boy was she right! Look at all those losers, hunting and pecking. He can take pride in his need for speed, even if no one else really cares.

 
 

The "My Budget's Leaner Than Yours Is" 'Tude

When times were good and the money flowed freely, they bragged about how big their budgets were. But then a handful of free-spending behemoths hit the dirt, and lean budgets became the mark of an online business that's in it for the long haul - or at least until the money runs out. So now managers flaunt their long hours and Cup-a-Noodles lunches....

 
 

The "I Make the Best Coffee" 'Tude

Two full years of leaning heavily on caffeine for energy and sustenance sure paid off - he can make stronger, better coffee than the most skilled Starbucks graduate, and he's ready to flaunt it! If you think this one's not a bona fide trend, just listen to Larry Ellison gripe about Rupert Murdoch in this month's Vanity Fair: "[H]is coffee was horrible. I mean, the man runs a great company, but his coffee sucks."

 
 

The "My Exit Strategy's Sounder Than Yours Is" 'Tude

Everyone knows that when the fat lady sings, most of those in new media won't know to leave the auditorium, let alone know where the exits are. But that won't stop them from pretending that if the new media bubble bursts and their jobs disappear, they have a million and one viable, well-paid options available to them.

 
 

The "I Knew This Ship Would Sink" 'Tude

When failure seems imminent, the naysayers finally have their day in the sun. While the rest of your co-workers wander around, shocked, confused, and maybe a little angry with the world's refusal to recognize the genius behind their product, the critics will be cheerily holding court on the multitude of reasons why the business was doomed from the start. Listen up, 'cause the laughs are guaranteed.

 
 
 

Next ... Play the New Media Investment Adventure Game!

 
 
 


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