Easy Solutions to Common "Moral" Dilemmas!


Problem: You're unemployed and broke.

"Traditional" solution: Look for a job.

Analysis of "traditional" solution: "Bummer."

Urban Hipster solution: Go on unemployment.

Justification: "I totally disagree with the way the government spends money, so this is my special little form of protest."


Problem: Your sister's husband "gets on your nerves."

"Traditional" solution: Don't say anything.

Analysis of "traditional" solution: "How repressed."

Urban Hipster solution: Tell your sister her husband's an annoying piece of shit. OR Slug him.

Justification: "I was really just juggling too much at once and I had a lot of pent-up aggression that I needed to let out."


Problem: The person you're dating wants you to be monogamous.

"Traditional" solution: Agree not to see other people.

Analysis of "traditional" solution: "How retro."

Urban Hipster solution: Tell the person you're dating that you aren't interested in "limiting yourself" sexually.

Justification: "The whole notion of monogamous commitment is just so inherently flawed."


Problem: You want to sleep with your best friend's ex.

"Traditional" solution: Talk to your best friend and see what he/she thinks first.

Analysis of "traditional" solution: How oversensitive and lame.

Urban Hipster solution: Go for it!

Justification: "We had become really close, you know, and it was the next logical step. There was no way to avoid it."


Problem: You want to sleep with your best friend's spouse.

"Traditional" solution: Don't.

Analysis of "traditional" solution: "How limiting."

Urban Hipster solution: Go for it! If you've got an itch, you've gotta scratch it.

Justification: "Marriage is such a totally staid institution, besides, it's not like he/she's gonna find out or anything."


Problem: Your best friend finds out you're sleeping with his/her spouse.

"Traditional" solution: Apologize profusely, duck, leave town.

Analysis of "traditional" solution: "Wuss."

Urban Hipster solution: Just explain everything, your best friend will understand eventually. If not, who cares? Friends are a dime a dozen.

Justification: "I've really lost touch with myself lately, and this situation is just another indication of how crazy things are for me right now. My brain just isn't working."



Being urban and hip means being FREE!

After all, it's not your fault, is it?

We didn't think so!



Polly Esther

Terry Colon

net.moguls Link

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