THE URBAN HIPSTER WAY

Easy Solutions to Common "Moral" Dilemmas!

 

Problem: You're unemployed and broke.

"Traditional" solution: Look for a job.

Analysis of "traditional" solution: "Bummer."

Urban Hipster solution: Go on unemployment.

Justification: "I totally disagree with the way the government spends money, so this is my special little form of protest."

 

Problem: Your sister's husband "gets on your nerves."

"Traditional" solution: Don't say anything.

Analysis of "traditional" solution: "How repressed."

Urban Hipster solution: Tell your sister her husband's an annoying piece of shit. OR Slug him.

Justification: "I was really just juggling too much at once and I had a lot of pent-up aggression that I needed to let out."

 

Problem: The person you're dating wants you to be monogamous.

"Traditional" solution: Agree not to see other people.

Analysis of "traditional" solution: "How retro."

Urban Hipster solution: Tell the person you're dating that you aren't interested in "limiting yourself" sexually.

Justification: "The whole notion of monogamous commitment is just so inherently flawed."

 

Problem: You want to sleep with your best friend's ex.

"Traditional" solution: Talk to your best friend and see what he/she thinks first.

Analysis of "traditional" solution: How oversensitive and lame.

Urban Hipster solution: Go for it!

Justification: "We had become really close, you know, and it was the next logical step. There was no way to avoid it."

 

Problem: You want to sleep with your best friend's spouse.

"Traditional" solution: Don't.

Analysis of "traditional" solution: "How limiting."

Urban Hipster solution: Go for it! If you've got an itch, you've gotta scratch it.

Justification: "Marriage is such a totally staid institution, besides, it's not like he/she's gonna find out or anything."

 

Problem: Your best friend finds out you're sleeping with his/her spouse.

"Traditional" solution: Apologize profusely, duck, leave town.

Analysis of "traditional" solution: "Wuss."

Urban Hipster solution: Just explain everything, your best friend will understand eventually. If not, who cares? Friends are a dime a dozen.

Justification: "I've really lost touch with myself lately, and this situation is just another indication of how crazy things are for me right now. My brain just isn't working."

 
 

REMEMBER:

Being urban and hip means being FREE!

After all, it's not your fault, is it?

We didn't think so!

 
 

 

words
Polly Esther

pictures
Terry Colon

 
 
 
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