"a fish, a barrel, and a smoking gun"
for 28 May 1997. Updated every WEEKDAY.

Filler: 05.28.97


To be urban and hip means never to slip!

Being an Urban Hipster provides complete freedom, the kind of freedom afforded only by a total lack of accountability!

Remember the days when your mother told you that you'd "disappointed her"? Recall when your girlfriend said that she "couldn't trust" you? Remember when your friend said that you "weren't supportive" of her, and that she "never wanted to see you again"? Well, those days are gone. Why? Because as an Urban Hipster, you're ACCOUNTABLE ONLY TO YOURSELF!

How is this possible, you ask? Well, because you're Young and Special and Real Smart and Oh-So-Hip, because you're better than most people, you don't have to pay attention to any of the basic tenets that guide other, more Normal people's actions.

From now on, you won't be forced to:

  • Take other people's feelings into account!
  • Explain your actions!
  • Apologize for your "bad" behavior!
  • Express your feelings to others!

In fact, why don't you just go ahead and wipe these words from your memory?


And Just Consider the Limitless Possibilities!

The great thing about the Urban Hipster Value System is that the possibilities are endless! You can do whatever the hell you want, because to let society's rules or the feelings of others get in your way is just totally fascist and practically, like, the Christian Right or some shit!


Next ... How to avoid getting blamed for stuff you did!


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