URBAN HIPSTER MANTRAS!
(See also: Urban Hipster Smalltalk, Mating Cries)
The "I Liked Their Early Stuff" Snort
Useful response to: REM, Saturday Night Live, The Baffler, The Simpsons, Nightmare on
Elm Street series
Tone: Condescending, dismissive
Real message: "I liked this stuff much better when I was a teenager and/or when I was stoned a lot more."
The "She's So Overrated" High-pitched Whine
Useful response to: Alanis Morrisette, Jenny McCarthy, Cindy Crawford
Tone: Sickened, repulsed
- For women: "If you think she's sexy, you're worthless"
- For men: "I think she's sexy. I'm worthless."
The "You're Such a Yuppie" Poke
Useful response to: A friend's purchase of pricey wine, pricey furniture ... or pricey anything
Tone: Smug to ascetic
Real message: "If I had money I'd give most of it to the poor ... or some of it, anyway. At least I'd spend it on CDs or Sega or something more worthwhile. But I don't have money, so I'll scoff at you instead."
The "Done That" Groan
Useful response to: The Pixies, bisexuality, bungee jumping, acid, "Lately I've been surfing on the Internet ..."
Tone: Indulgent yet dismissive
Real message: "Based on your inexperience in this area, I'm prepared to assume that you're really immature and/or a painfully slow learner, mainly because I'm really immature and/or a painfully slow learner."
The Classic "I Don't Care What Other People Think" Mumble
Useful response to: Implication that you are remotely influenced by society's values and mores
Tone: Pissed off, righteous
Real message: "I suffer from the illusion that I'm living in a vacuum of social influences. In addition, I have the maturity level of an eighth-grader."
[Next ... More Urban Hipster Mantras, like the "You're So Mainstream" and the "It's So Bad, It's Good"]