Subject: What's wrong with fresh basil anyway?

Geez, making fun of newbie jazz idiots and The New Yorker is just swell, but what's wrong with fresh basil and merlot? They're good. What do you eat, rocket burgers? Tofu stir-fry?

Sheesh, lighten up.

Matt Rosoff



When I was a wee lass, I used to frolic in our herb garden at home. My favorite spot was the basil patch. I would sit there late in the morning until early in the afternoon, utterly content.


One day, I was sitting in my favorite spot, when a big dog came up. It seemed hungry. And there I was, a tender morsel surrounded by fresh basil. You can imagine the dog's excitement. But I didn't forget my manners.


Mommy darling had only seconds to act, and did not hesitate. She grabbed the nearest bottle of merlot - 1968, I think - and hurled it at the dog.


Regrettably, she missed the dog entirely and knocked me squarely in the head. Upside the head, even. Mommy darling never was such a good aim, but usually this worked to my advantage. Not so on that fateful day.


But fortunately, the dog was picky about bruised meat, and really preferred a hearty cabernet with his meal, so I was spared.


Yet my intensely negative association with fresh basil and merlot haunts me to this very day, and has simply ruined a number of otherwise excellent dining experiences - not to mention a few relationships.


Next... Filler does "Family Circus"!

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