S U C K

"a fish, a barrel, and a smoking gun"
for 24 April 1997. Updated every WEEKDAY.
 
 
 
 
 

Filler: 04.16.97
 

THE GREAT WEB WIPEOUT IS UPON US!

Part 1: Unemployment: More Fun Than a Barrel of Junkies!

With recent news of numerous layoffs in the Web world, plus Wired magazine's prediction that the Web would crash in March of 1997 (that was last month!), if you're working in the online world, you're either bracing yourself for the inevitable or you've already been axed. If you're reading this, there's a good chance your job is threatened.

WARNING: Those with several dependents and/or extensive debts who could potentially get laid off soon should read no further, or risk a major attack of anxiety and/or rage. This column is not for you. Go have a beer and clear your mind.

But do not be afraid, gentle Web warriors. There is much to hope for, and with a little planning, you will not go into the real world unawares. Unpaid, maybe, but not unprepared!

Actually, you have a lot to look forward to! First, there's the excitement and self-indulgent drama of ...

 

LAY-OFF DAY!

The boss tells you you're getting laid off! It's strangely thrilling! It's melodramatic! It's your chance to go nuts and make a scene!

 

Let it sink in quickly, because it's finally time for your boss to know that he's a worthless poser and an uncommunicative, incompetent creep. Oh, the joy you'll have in telling him that his clothing is 10 years out of date, that his wife is a ninny, and that you suspect he's not nearly as smart as he thinks he is!

 

Now you have a great excuse to leave work early and get drunk! You also get to talk about yourself nonstop and get really melodramatic about how put-upon you are, and how unpredictable and intense the world is, now that you're unemployed.

 

 

Next ... Wallowing, and Other Bonuses of the Unemployed Lifestyle!

 
 
 


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