AD SALESPERSON

Also Known As:
Peddler/Meddler

See Also:
Snake Oil Specialist

Helpful Skills:

• Ability to spew vague yet glowing endorsements
• Utter lack of irony
• Mastery of the "Fake It -N- Rake It In" maneuver
• Rose-colored glasses when viewing Product

Potential Impediments to Success:

• Honesty
• The smallest modicum of cynicism
• A weak handshake

Favorite Quote:
"We have a lot of exciting new things going on that I'd love to tell you about."

Tragic Flaw:
Bald greed looks bad in tweed.

Ignorance An Obstacle?
Hell, naw!

ACCOUNTS PAYABLE CLERK

Also Known As:
Number Cruncher

See Also:
That Bitch

Helpful Skills:

• Evasive
• Intimidating
• Stubborn
• Invisible

Potential Impediments to Success:

• Undying urge to help others
• Colorblind - no red-black distinction

Favorite Quote:
"Tell him the check's on the way."

Tragic Flaw:
All avoidance tactics come back to haunt her eventually.

Ignorance An Obstacle?
Not really.

WEBMASTER

Also Known As:
The HTML Guy

See Also:
Web Jockey

Helpful Skills:

• Ability to "view source"
• Ability to lie

Potential Impediments to Success:

• Vague sense of ambition, motivation, longing
• Membership in rock band that's about to break wide
• Graduation from high school

Favorite Quote:
"I'm not sure that's possible. I'm pretty sure that's not possible."

Tragic Flaw:
Fascination with doomsday/conspiracy theories, cults, dramatic suicides

Ignorance An Obstacle?
Ha!

"COMIC" WRITER

Also Known As:
Laff Rioter

See Also:
Loser

Helpful Skills:

• Experience at an extremely demeaning, unrelated job
• A series of frustratingly bad relationships
• Severe alienation from society at large
• An unrealistically supportive Mommy

Potential Impediments to Success:

• Total satisfaction and happiness
• Unhappiness, or just occasional bad moods
• Caffeine shortage
• Not enough laughter, too much forgetting

Favorite Quote:
"Show me the funny."

Tragic Flaw:
Dreams of a movie deal, but dreads actually writing a script.

Ignorance An Obstacle?
Nay!