CAREERTIME FOR GONZO!

So, you're thinking about getting a new job. After all, your current job sucks. You hate your boss, your co-workers, your office, your industry, and that crappy Caribbean place down the street that charges astronomical prices for terrible food.

Before you start looking for a new job, you'll need to understand some basic traits shared by every single job on the planet.

THE JOB TRAIT DIAGRAM

You will not find a job without these basic, very annoying traits. It's just a matter of choosing between evils to find a job that will be remotely tolerable. Just don't get your hopes too high, OK?

As you can see from Diagram 1 (above), if you absolutely can't stand being forced to Schmooze or Manipulate, say, like a salesperson would, then you'll have to make up for it in Menial Labor, Pandering, or Use of Your Brain by becoming, say, a piss boy or a grad student. Isn't life cruel?