S U C K

"a fish, a barrel, and a smoking gun"
for 26 March 1997. Updated every WEEKDAY.
 
 
 
 
 

Filler: 03.26.97
 

THE FIVE FACES OF FASHION!

Are you a fashion victim, a fashion avoider, a fashion apologist, a fashist? Read on and find out!

 

GAPATHY

You don't give a shit about fashion. All you want is to blend in, so you resort to cheap, nondescript clothes from The Gap, the fast-food of the fashion world.

 

THRIFT-STORAGE

You really enjoy shopping, and spend every weekend sorting through miles and miles of ugly, outdated clothes in search of ... ugly, outdated clothes.

 

URBAN ALREADY-OUT-FITTERS

You want to look trendy, but you can't quite keep up with the latest, so you settle for last year's fashions, undersized and overpriced, from the Urban Kmart near you.... And don't forget those groovy household goods and zany novelty items while you're there!

 

THE LIMITED UPBRINGING

Having grown up in a town where the only relatively innocuous clothing store is The Limited, you're horrified by urban clothing prices, despite the obvious fact that the quality, styles, and options are far less, uh ... limited.

 

L.L. BEEN THERE

You dress like a backwoods trapper, even though you don't ski, or camp, or even go outside that often. But if you ever did, you'd be perfectly warm and content, in temperatures as low as -10º C.

 

HELLO TITTY

You favor the super-tight T-shirt with a provocative phrase you-know-where. After all, you've got boobies now, and you want the world to know it - except for those creepy jerks who stare at them, anyway.

 

[Next page... How to be a movie critic...]

 
 
 


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