Radio Free Suck
 

Here's Friday's piece, a fun little blast at free trade and
trip-hop veggie facist Moby.

Some of our more alert readers may have noticed
something missing from Suck earlier this week, like a
DNS entry. Around the Net, rumors passed more quickly
than a White Castle burger. An innovative approach to
truly DIY humor? An existentialist prank? A rival zine
holding our domain ransom? Someone forgot to pay
InterNIC? The truth is much, much more disturbing. The
Digital Brain Trust finally realized that we did more
good for The Network by carrying our Wired messenger bags
than by publishing such blazing invective and
startling, rebellious criticism. We had become too
dangerous, too powerful, too willfully asinine. The world
was in danger. "Deep shit," was how they so vividly
phrased it.

They saw through our tortured attempts to applaud brazen
prostitution, and realized that our stated mission, to
"sell out early and often," was in fact a mixture of
contortionist reverse psychology and self-deprecating
irony. (If you think we've "sold out," you should see
our Visa bill.) In any case, we've beaten The Man at
his own game, and through a complex re-routing process:

 
1 your.machine.anywhere.net
 
2 suck-outside.pathfinder.com (204.71.242.130)  
  75.113 ms  78.853 ms 74.083 ms

3 border3-serial3-0.SanFrancisco.mci.net (204.70.34.13)  
  17.206 ms 15.404 ms  52.616 ms
 
4 we.don't.get.suck.but.we'll.help.out.where.we.can.net.ca 
  (204.65.45.42) 14.091 ms 64.65 ms 75.959 ms
 
5 cic-net.too.many.postmodernism.classes.no.degree.edu 
  257.256 ms  78.511 ms  103.355 ms 

6 cic-net.Chicago.manual.of.style.net (204.70.186.6)  
  242.373 ms  76 ms 64.65 ms
 
7 kremvax.demos.su (194.87.0.20)
   308.857 ms  271.46 ms  302.067 ms
 
8 super-hip.ultra-elite.prague.cz (204.54.17.09)  
  14.091 ms 12.011 ms 16.098 ms
 
9 border3-serial3-0.SanFrancisco.mci.net (204.70.34.13)  
  17.206 ms 15.404 ms 52.616 ms
 
10 sf1-e1.backdoor.secret.entrance.wired.net (204.62.132.100)  
   3.612 ms 2.242 ms 2.133 ms 
 

are now serving up the freshest, phatest cultural
criticism money can't buy. To see the Pieces Global
Media-Industrial Complex Didn't Want You To Read,*
surf this way:

Anemic Analysis: Dr. Suck busts a cap (or is that a
bandana?) on David Foster Wallace's ass, and gives
irony a much-needed blood transfusion.

Filler: Polly Esther takes on the Oscars, proving beyond a
shadow of a doubt The Academy = The Man.

Hit and Run: Bite-sized analysis of recent events -
the paper cuts of media crit.

To all those who tried to Suck and couldn't, we're glad
you came again. And remember: The man can't bust our
musings.

- the Sucksters.

 

*All events, taglines, and rationalizations are fictional. Any relationship between rhetoric and reality is entirely coincidental.