PARANOIA, DYSLEXIA ON THE RISE!

Are you paranoid, dyslexic, both, or neither? Take this here quiz and find out!

1. When you see a grassy knoll, what do you do?

a) Lay in the sun and take a nap. Mmm.
b) Hit the deck!
c) Turn the page. I hate Sassy polls.
d) I'd never smoke grass with a troll! Those fuckers are mean when they're stoned.

2. A guy in black is tagging along after you. What does he want?

a) A date.
b) To debrief me after my recent abduction, but I'm not talking!
c) Who doesn't tell a lie in the sack after shagging?
d) I'd never get high on crack, no matter how fucking strong - it's a tool of the CIA!

3. Who is from Mars?

a) Men
b) Little green men
c) Ric Ocasek
d) Big drunk men

4. What does The Man need from you?

a) About 28% of my annual income.
b) Control of my brain! An accomplice to His wrath of terror and destruction!
c) The hand feeds me very little, but I still won't bite it.
d) The van speeds away from me because they know I'll blow the whistle on their little operation.

6. You're hearing crazy voices in your head. What's their purpose?

a) To make sure I get done with my laundry before ER comes on.
b) To control me, just like They control everyone who's on that frequency.
c) Since I stopped drinking, I don't make hazy choices in bed.
d) The spirit of Crazy Horse is ~never~ dead, and he'll repay the white man's treachery in kind.

All As = Normal
All Bs = Paranoid
All Cs = Dyslexic
All Ds = Paranoid and Dyslexic

WAY NEW PR

"Hell, Suck is a fixture. But it's not long at all before the well-fed jester begins to develop as much of a gut as the court he satirizes.... Don't sneer at the underdog. It makes you look rich. And stupid." [San Francisco Bay Guardian, 2/12/97]