In 1997, people will eat more

butter - much, much more butter -

thanks to a complex chain of

events that begins when Fabio

loses his position as "I Can't

Believe It's Not Butter"

spokesmodel to Juliette Binoche,

benevolent and high-cheekboned

graduate of The Meryl Streep

Acting School and star of

colossal bore The English

Patient. The resultant upsurge

in the popularity of margarine

will inspire a new butter

campaign titled "It's Like

Butter," with alternative title

"I Can Believe in Butter,"

including ads featuring

well-known celebrities pictured

with "Butter Beards." Butter

sales skyrocket.