What, can't decide? How on

earth can we give you

what you want if you don't

tell us what that is? Oh,

perhaps it's just too much to

expect that people will both

describe the kind of cake they

want and buy it from you too.

But on the other side of the

counter is Matador Central,

where they're doing a pretty good

job of delivering the goods even

as they speak through a mouthful of

crumbs themselves. "A Rational

Argument for Lying on Surveys"

is an exhaustively researched and

thoroughly entertaining look at

psychographic studies,

particularly as used on the Web.

While we might quibble with the

some of the arguments, how can

we find fault with the

conclusion: "Help Support the

Fight to Bring Back Anonymous,

Impersonal Selling!!! (at least

for everyone but us)." Yeah,

what they said - especially that

last part.

In a move that aligns them more

closely with Singapore than

Indonesia, Sun has stepped up

its efforts to dominate the Java

brand name. In a letter sent out

last month, Sun's lawyers

attempted to have the 20-year-

old Javan Enterprises Inc. drop

the use of the domain name

javanco.com. True, the

capacitors, resistors, and

electronics Javan sells do have

a slightly technical sound to

them, and if forced into your

computer, they might make it

crash, but it's still unlikely

the next generation of heat

shrink tubing is going to be

confused for an object-oriented

programming language. It's been

a while since this sort of

useless trademarking has been

seen on the net, but with

companies running willy-nilly to

register the domains of

companies whose only

product is a cheap laugh

(yajsu.com was registered last

week), it's a tradition likely

to continue.

Even if gold teeth, coke bullets,

and cool suede kicks have failed

to dominate South Park and

Silicon Alley, enterprising Web

producers know a thing or two

about the travails of

bitch-slapping HTML and

content-hos alike into

submission. Thankfully, the

refined gentlemen at pimpz.org

have sensed this unexploited,

info-hungry community and

rewarded it with its own

sophisticated gazette:

polyester - not to be confused

with our own beat-down

administrating scribe. Some

might scoff at the notion that

the average pimp's skill set is

of relevance, and might even

protest the raw misogyny

involved, but with so many

skank-ass Sucksters for hire,

the importance of care and

feeding for the 21st-century

bottom-dealer cannot be denied.

Guess all those blue ribbons

worked, huh?