It's a joy to see suicidal

commitment to one's craft

well-represented among today's

crop of Hollywood performing

seals, especially after such

attitudes have become

passé in the music biz.

It's not that we'd have

dismissed Leaving Las Vegas as

this year's Pretty Woman had

author John O'Brien not iced

himself soon after writing it,

but after all is said and done,

neatness does count. Similarly,

when we make our inevitable trek

to the local megaplex this

weekend for Rumble in the Bronx,

we're more than prepared to

swallow HeeHaw-level acting and

plot structure straight out of

the A-Team - just so long as

Jackie follows his twenty-year

plus obsession with courting

death and disfigurement for the

sake of cheap audience jollies.

Chan said it best in a CU-SeeMe

interview: "Don't worry about my

injuries, just go see my movies.

That's my problem. My job is to

make movies, your job is to see

them. Thank you."

Memo to the Reuters copy editors:

Being stoned on the job means

never having to say your sorry.

The line between selling out and

prostitution is pretty fuzzy.

Still, it's one of our

favorites, and we bet that's the

line that would have worked on

the denizens of The Casa. Taking

their cue from the Spot, but

aware of the fact that real

life, in all its Technicolor

banality, is already

all-too-well represented,

Angelique and Cheryl have

manufactured events of prurient

interest, and will be milking

them for all they're worth.

Which is, apparently, $200.51.

Nothing brings out the vandal

inside like a sticker that says

"suck" - we won't admit to

targeting men's restrooms

and all those damn

middle-management-mobile Mazda

Miatas in Multimedia Gulch, but

we wouldn't put it past our

readers. Skateboard quality,

waterproof, and applicable to

any reasonably clean, reasonably

smooth surface in a matter of

seconds, the Suck sticker says

it better than a Hallmark. And

as far as symbols of youthful

rebellion go, it goes for a lot

less than that tongue pierce

(and is only slightly less

permanent!) - a stamped,

self-addressed envelope will

deliver it to your door.

Suck

510 3rd Street, 4th Floor

San Francisco, CA 94107