"a fish, a barrel, and a smoking gun"
for 20 December 1995. Updated every WEEKDAY.

You Will Become Zon


What's wrong with the Web these

days? Apart from me, I mean.

(I'm the sysadmin/webjefe for

one of the larger online

purveyors of pseudo-porn.)

A large juicy clue may have

surfaced as a result of the

following Battle of the Search



Search Terms: "obsession" and




YAHOO: no matches.


[Open Text]

OPEN TEXT: 336 matches.

Best Page Title: Panic Urine.

Honorable Mention:

cabin_full.txt, the abstract of

which features the phrase,

"Heidegger is a Care-Bear."

Sadly, the document cited no

longer exists.


[Alta Vista]

ALTA VISTA: "about 1000" matches.

Best Page Title: Byggjum frítíma

samfélag, GORZ.

Abstract Serendipity: "Well, I've

gotten four "Ayes!", no "nays",

and Pyro saying please post the

thing before he leaves for

break. So here it is. Angst

Guide by Michael Zimbouski Howdy

y'all. I've just downed a bottle

of Boone's Sangria, and feel

that I am perfectly prepared..."



LYCOS: 4 matches.

No good page titles. Two

pretentious essays, one

cosmetics catalogue, and an

article about Ole Miss and the

Crimson Tide. We remember when

Lycos was cool.



INFOSEEK: 100 matches.

Best Page Title: ZONPOWER Chapter

33: You Will Become Zon

Honorable Mention: The Monica

Seles Stats Page!

Best [Apparent] Typo: Electronic

Frontier "by Brad Cox in pursuit

of the paradoxical goals of the

Middle of Nowhere project. .

Fish into Fowl: Organizations

are like fish with people as

their cells. They evolved to

thrive in the ocean, the

high-viscosity world of the

idustrial age. ..."



INKTOMI: 417 matches.

Best Page Title: Largemouth Bass

Notes: Outstanding number of

matches to "The Ergot

Derivative." Imagine my dismay

to learn, upon breaking my rule

that I wouldn't actually visit

any of the pages I found (a rule

I broke for Panic Urine, as

well), that it's just then name

of somebody's stupid rock band.



WEBCRAWLER: 29 matches.

Best Page Title: Lon Chaney,


Notes: The Unabomber's Manifesto

rails against technology because

of its disservice to humanity.

(Take, for example, the havoc that

a modern explosive can wreak.)

What were we searching for, again?

Ah yes, obsession and loss:

"Though this be madness, yet

there is method in't."


[The reason this exists: I was

bored at work yesterday.]

courtesy of Happybomb