S U C K

"a fish, a barrel, and a smoking gun"
for 16 November 1995. Updated every WEEKDAY.
 

 
Hit & Run IX

 

[Weirdo]

So we've all had a great big

belly-laugh at the expense of

Michael Kinsley and his partners

at Microsoft over some of his

more outrageous (though already

cliché) statements about

the quality of the Web. While a

statement like "Isn't pretty

much everything on the Web just

junk?" seems like the kind of

thing we'd expect more from

seasoned net veterans than a

net.clueless talking head, his

recent public musings that

"Someone is going to create the

first great magazine on the Web -

maybe it could be me," tends

to reinforce our initial

impression that we've got

another vainglorious newbie on

our hands.

 

[Brock Meeks]

Frankly, we're more excited by

the opportunities left open with

Kinsley's seat on Crossfire now

vacant. Brock Meeks, who

slithered into Suck Central

yesterday looking for a net

connection, let it slip that

he'd sent a resume to CNN's

Human Resources Dept. Even

though he was the first to admit

that, aside from cat-box lining

purposes, his chances approach

nil, we're still delighted with

the image of Meeks opposite

Sununu, putting the old 7-second

delay into overdrive. To try to

make the dream real, we've

emailed our "humble suggestions"

to CNN Feedback - taking care to

omit the fact that we don't have

TVs, much less cable. We'd

encourage you to do the same,

but, unlike other, less cynical

net politickers, we're not

entirely convinced of the

efficacy of email campaigns to

sway the powermongers, who

probably do with their email

what we do with our voicemail.

 

[dads.com]

And when it comes to publishing

compelling content for the

"mature" readers of the net,

we've still got this wacky idea

that the Web may be able to

manage without the help of

Gates, Allen, and their hordes

of itinerant newspaper scribes.

Last time we checked, Feed was

still regularly publishing the

same piquant content we've

always enjoyed, to the same

minimal acclaim. Maybe if they

had MSN behind them, they'd

score an ad banner from Omaha

Steaks, but barring that, our

advice would be to drop the

labyrinthine interface and follow

the lead of dads.com, which has

"appropriated" our design,

and coupled it with

first-person tales on the

travails of the fatherhood. (We

don't mind... he's not the only

one to borrow.)

 

[Sub Pop]

It may always be a better bet to

make your big splash on the Web

with a mammoth frou-frou

graphics site than a daily news

site, anyway - there's less

commitment. We continue to wait

for the Stan Lee of the net -

some crass commercializer who

discovers the mutant powers of

web pages (Mr. Kinsley?). We

doubt it'll be Gary Groth and

his jaded cohorts at

Fantagraphics, though, who have

us beat hands-down when it comes

to inflicting quality and

unsought criticism onto an

otherwise bankrupt medium. From

the look of things, they've

wisely chosen to abandon

development of the Fantagraphics

home page and, instead, take the

far more lucrative reverse route -

selling pointers from their

comics to Web sites.

 

[Hate!]

We're hoping that the gravy

siphoned off Sub Pop ("Still the

most INDIE of sellouts!!") for

the label's back cover ad on the

most recent issue of Hate not

only paid for all those color

pages, but also let them cut a

sweeter deal for the marketing

savants at Smoke King.

Personally speaking, we feel

that auctioning off our Sub Pop

Singles Club collection and

spending a small fraction of the

millions earned on a complete

set of customized Zippo lighters

will, in time, do wonders for

our bottom line. We're certain

the nouveau entrepreneurial Buddy

Bradley would approve...

[Smoke King]




courtesy of the Duke of URL