S U C K

"a fish, a barrel, and a smoking gun"
for 12 October 1995. Updated every WEEKDAY.
 

 
Hit & Run IV
 

[Jim]

It's dispiriting when a mega-corp

can ape indie style with more

grace than their underground

inspirations. Take the Charles

Burns/Dan Clowes-designed OK

Cola packaging, which was spiffy

despite its forced irony. Are we

supposed to celebrate OK's crib

death only to applaud the

success of irreverent "underdog"

sodas like Jolt and Skeleteens?

When your raison d'être is

basically a shallow marketing

gimmick, claims of being "of the

people, for the people" can

leave a repellingly sour taste

in the mouth.

 

[Nietzsche's Candy Bar]

Anthony Gancarski's

What if Nietzsche Worked at a

Convenience Store? is that great

uber-work we've been waiting for

to validate the Web as a

publishing medium. Reading from

chapter 1, "The Olson Twins Are

Only Prologue", which begins

with the inspired


I don't care who the mail is
addressed to when I'm at work.
I'll read it anyway. There's not
much else to do; I work at
Conveniomart, and I'm always the
only person working, and no one
ever comes in here unless they
have a reason. I like the fact
that not many people have
reasons. 

and spiralling slowly downward to

the iceweasels-calling,

good-hair-day chapter 14,

"Leaving Home", Mr. Gancarski

proves yet again that a

brilliant title and an endless

spew of throw-away pop culture

references is enough to satisfy

even the most demanding Pynchon

101 graduate. And Mr. Gancarski,

in his Web weavings, was clever

enough to avoid use of those

troublesome hypertext links,

which would only complicate the

work's migration to a medium

suitable for autographing. Just

one thing, we think, holds

Anthony back from a lucrative

publishing contract: Jean

Baudrillard's endorsement.

 

[Virtual Concrete's Bodies Incorporated]

"Have Poser, will travel": the

motto for 3d hacks in the 90's?

Maybe it's a good thing -

unconvincing human forms being

the most glaring weak link in

80's CG productions. But until

we see experiments leaning more

towards showcasing the physiques

of bag ladies rather than Wonder

Woman clones, we'll fail to be

impressed. Will Virtual Concrete's

Bodies Incorporated project

deliver? Place your order and wait

to find out...

 

[Showgirls]

We realize that talking about

Showgirls puts us a little bit

behind the curve, but, given

our day jobs and our other

side projects, we don't always

have time to attend opening night.

Now that the hoopla over the NC-17

rated Busby Berkeley meets

All About Eve mishmash

has died down, though, we really

must say that while we thoroughly

understand and respect the

entertainment value of bare breasts

and simulated lesbian acts, if the

only other major draw a film can

offer its viewers is Kyle

MacLachlan with Dunderhead's

haircut, the filmmakers should

seriously reconsider whether

making a movie about Las Vegas

that doesn't feature Frank or

Dino is really that hot an idea

in the first place.

 

[me2]

Self-discovery has never been

quite as boring as when mediated

by me2.com. If their pre-survey

name request isn't dodgy enough

to immediately tip you off, the

bullshit newage prep talk should

alert most soul-searchers that

the only load this site is

likely to lighten is the one in

your hip pocket. Someday (when

we have a budget), we'll get

John Wayne Gacy to test-run all

of the net's various psych

profiles - it would be a

fitting, if inhumane,

punishment.

 

[Hello Kitty]

alt.suck. We're still waiting for

some brave soul to propose

alt.suck to alt.config, so all

the merry Sucksters can move

their discussions out of

alt.wired (endless POLICE RAPED

BY BLACK ANUS cross-posts,

anyone?) and

alt.sex.hello-kitty (no, Hello

Kitty cannot perform fellatio)

and into a forum suitable

for the mostly-coherent

ramblings of the conspiracy

mongers and Suck-outers which

our little pub seems to attract.

(But please, all you Joel-wannabes,

don't just newgroup it. alt.config

is so much more fun.)




- Sucksters