"a fish, a barrel, and a smoking gun"
for 18 September 1995. Updated every WEEKDAY.

A Spot-On Caricature

[the Melrose Place cast]

That a site like the Spot could

be one of the most religiously

visited sites on the Web (Cool

Site of the Year, even) is not

surprising when compared to the

breadth of TV predecessor

Melrose Place's fan base. Hell,

you've probably spent some

quality time with both of 'em. I

know I've only approached either

from a safe distance, with my

bullshit detector cranked to 10.

[You're making mine hit 11.

- Dunderhead]


At Suck, we obviously think

there's something to be said for

giving you, our gentle readers,

something new daily - and who

are we to knock a site just

because its daily content of

choice is cheesecake smothered

in crappy prose?


[Michelle's ass]

That's just following smart,

market-driven business strategy.

And if the folks behind the

Spot know anything, they know

their audience - remember, this

is the site in which the

characters make their fictional

status a "philosophical"

question. And with the marketing

savvy you'd expect from an

advertising firm-cum-Internet

content provider, they even give

Spotnik his own page,

acknowledging the clout of the

ubiquitous zoophile crowd we're

always hearing about (and

allowing the dog a chance to

reminisce on his old

cross-dressing owner).


[Melrose pap]


The Spot will finally get a

chance to put its moron muscle

to the test, though, now that

Aaron Spelling has teamed up

with former MTV veejay Adam

Curry's On Ramp, Inc. to produce

4616 Melrose Place. Curry, whose

skills set includes provoking

domain name legal fiascoes and

delivering heinously designed

sites to surprisingly

well-heeled clients, has clearly

taken notice of the successful

Fattal & Collins/Silicon Reef

teaming: 4616 ups the

derivation sweepstakes by

aping The Spot with a Hollywood

understudy's zeal, on a Spelling

gold-card budget.


[Adam Curry]

Faithful to the show's current

plot, they've dumped a powerful

bomb of sorts in the basement: a

Real Audio file showcasing Adam

Curry's comatose reading of the

Melrose Minutes, a rock-bottom

low for the man and the

technology. [Let this be a

lesson to you, Duke! See how low

that Curry creep has had to

stoop to since being deserted by

his team of fine engineers?

Think about that before you

decide to slap me around in

front of your friends again! -

Dunderhead] Good luck getting a

connection though - those 100 RA

feeds fill up pretty quickly. We

told you so...


4616's success, as we've

mentioned, will be determined by

how committed Spelling is to

producing a "spot-on" facsimile

of the The House That Michelle's

Ass Built. That would translate

into relentlessly shoveling new

Melrose diary and scrapbook

entries onto the site, with some

of Jo's more racy photos thrown

in from time to time to satisfy

the midnight chokers in the

crowd. That, and the systematic

removal of all traces of Curry,

should be enough to make 4616

Melrose a Web blockbuster, at

least until MTV takes a look at

the failed potential of their

dismal site, remember that they

happen to own The Real World,

and find that on the Web, two

plus two sometimes does equal


[Michelle's ass]

courtesy of the Duke of URL