"a fish, a barrel, and a smoking gun"
For They Know Not What They Do
Picture this: you're cruising
down the highway in that red
convertible Mazda Miata you just
drove away from the dealership.
Wind in your hair, the scent of
the road in your nostrils, Born
To Be Wild
To Be Wildplaying in the middle
of an hour-long commercial-free
block on the radio. Forgetting
the payments, you begin to think
that you may not only have
succumbed to the gen-x-focused
advertising for a status-bearing
consumer product, you may be the
advertisement. Life is as good
as it gets.
Then, on the horizon, you see the
inevitable end to any
consumerist fantasy: an "Under
Construction" sign, there to the
left, sealing your fate for the
next 20 miles. As the sounds of
Steppenwolf are drowned out by
the monotonous pounding of
jackhammers, you ask yourself:
Was this trip really necessary?
Welcome to the World Wide Web.
We hope your stay is a
If you will allow us to extend
the metaphor a little further,
however, this only represents
the tip of the iceberg of a hell
frozen over. Burly, tar-booted
workers flash toothy smiles and
coyly exhibit their sweat-
glistened butt-cracks. The
countryside is done in gaudy
neons and swirly psychedelics,
making the trees and livestock
difficult to discern. Off-ramps
abound, but they all lead back
to the same stretch of
So what is the queer logic which
makes an "Under Construction"
icon on the Web a sign of
quality and a badge of honor? As
if those "Please Be Patient.
God's Not Finished With Me Yet."
T-shirts weren't already enough.
(We could only hope that the
deity would finish these people
Although we have to give a
reluctant hand to the purveyors
of sites who seem to have
devoted more time to the "Under
Construction" icon than the site
itself, we simply fail to
understand the libidinal economy
which would cause these signs to
multiply unto the furthest
reaches of the Web, without
bounds or limit. It's almost
enough for Suck to sponsor a
contest: Best Under Construction
Icon For A Web Site Which Never
Really Makes It Past The
Unfortunately, we've already
unearthed the winning entry: our
own inimitable Suck "Under
Construction" Icon, engineered
for maximum elegance and
impact, with your sorry-ass
site in mind.
courtesy of Dunderhead