"a fish, a barrel, and a smoking gun"
for 4 September 1995. Updated every WEEKDAY.

Consuming Media

This is a test:


Imagine that you're head of

production for a major Hollywood

flick. The concept is

Charlotte's Web-meets-Look Who's

Talking Now with a little

"existentialism" thrown in to

meet the demands of today's

times. It could be a goldmine -

the star is a pig, and who can't

relate to that?


Here's the problem: you've got a

minuscule window of time in

which to film your star, limited

to weeks 16 to 18 of his short

but star-studded existence.

Three weeks being preposterously

inadequate to finish shooting,

you sagely solve this dilemma by

training 48 piglets on a

staggered schedule.


Which leaves you, in the

unavoidably grim post-production

stage, at the following

crossroads -


Do you:


[Happy Pig]

Pay tribute to the adorable

critters who sacrificed their

short lives for silver-screen

immortality with a sturdy

tribute to their porcine



[Pig on a Plate]

Go one step further in the

preservation of their collective

memory and commission an even

starker reminder of their

professional dedication...





Decide that it is not to the

swine but to your paying

audience whom you owe the

deepest gratitude, and settle on

an elegant method of giving back

a little to your fans?

courtesy of the Duke of URL