S U C K

"a fish, a barrel, and a smoking gun"
for 4 September 1995. Updated every WEEKDAY.
 

 
Consuming Media
 

This is a test:

 

Imagine that you're head of

production for a major Hollywood

flick. The concept is

Charlotte's Web-meets-Look Who's

Talking Now with a little

"existentialism" thrown in to

meet the demands of today's

times. It could be a goldmine -

the star is a pig, and who can't

relate to that?

 

Here's the problem: you've got a

minuscule window of time in

which to film your star, limited

to weeks 16 to 18 of his short

but star-studded existence.

Three weeks being preposterously

inadequate to finish shooting,

you sagely solve this dilemma by

training 48 piglets on a

staggered schedule.

 

Which leaves you, in the

unavoidably grim post-production

stage, at the following

crossroads -

 

Do you:

 

[Happy Pig]

Pay tribute to the adorable

critters who sacrificed their

short lives for silver-screen

immortality with a sturdy

tribute to their porcine

valor...

 

[Pig on a Plate]

Go one step further in the

preservation of their collective

memory and commission an even

starker reminder of their

professional dedication...

 

or

 

[Sausages]

Decide that it is not to the

swine but to your paying

audience whom you owe the

deepest gratitude, and settle on

an elegant method of giving back

a little to your fans?




courtesy of the Duke of URL