It may only be groceries, but at
the very least shoppers should
expect a banal win-win out of it -
in return for low overhead and
golden stats, not a surcharge,
but cheaper services.
Five years ago today in Suck.
THE VIRTUAL ACCOUNTANT!
The Virtual Accountant is perfect for those who want to justify their
decadent spending habits, or who just don't know where to turn to get a
quick illusion that, financially, everything is squared away and A-OK!
The Virtual Accountant responds to each comment or question with bold
statements and suggestions that remind you that no matter how you spend your
money, it's a business expense. That's right! A Virtual Accountant can
singlehandedly restore your confidence in your lifestyle by convincing you
that every single dollar you spend contributes directly and significantly to
your career development!
The Virtual Accountant has three settings: Sage, Indulgent, and Absolutely
- "Don't worry about the receipt. Just guesstimate, then round it up."
- "Pretty much all of those are business miles, right?"
- "You need to eat out much more often. You're not spending nearly enough on
meals and entertainment."
- "I'd consider making some major equipment purchases. Can you think of any
major equipment you might need to purchase in the next year?"
- "Isn't it about time you bought a house?"
- "Don't you think a Mercedes would be safer than that old Honda you drive?"
- "Etoys is a decent stock, I'd hold onto that one. Besides, you can always
write it off as a loss if it goes under."
- "Printing counterfeit money is a great idea and it requires major
equipment purchases! Plus, if the business fails, we can write it off as a
loss and deduct it against your other sources of income."
And if you're ever feeling lonely, your Virtual Accountant is always there
for you. After all, she's an Accountant! What else does she have to do,
besides talk to you?