A year ago, hundreds of businesses were happy to subsidize your devotion to ass-fattening by offering every sort of delivery service imaginable, all without charging you a penny. Kozmo would deposit a thirty-five cent candy bar on your doorstep, for thirty-five cents. (The smack costs extra.) Pets.com would lug a forty-pound bag of dog food up three flights of stairs for the price of a smile. And eToys didn't care to trouble you with something their shareholders could pay for — heck, would you like a $10-off coupon with that? But post-crash, the World Wide Web's under new management. Once you were an exalted customer; now you're just another zone on the UPS rate chart.