Food For Nought Unfortunately, food makes for poor television, though obviously it's been tried. Granted, the Discovery Channel's Great Chefs series is not without a certain sensual, yet minimalist charm. But television's demand for motion from its subjects remains a problem - Vincent Foster notwithstanding, few people like watching a cold fish. Five years ago today in Suck.

MR. JUMPY + TOUGH GIRL

Once, he may have been flinchier than a china cup in a bull pen, but he'll be as giddy as a puppet on a string when he meets this harrowing lass. Not in his wildest dreams did he imagine he'd find a woman who's punishing, dismissive, and far, far less open with her emotions than he is! She's so far out of reach, so over it all, so bored with his mundane little revelations — what could be more attractive? But what's in it for her? Well, nothing's more entertaining to a sadist than watching a former Mr. Flinchy pander and fawn. Let's hope he doesn't act like too much of a child, though, or she's history.

THAT BUDDHIST GUY + THE CONTROL SUPERFREAK

These two have more in common than you might realize. He seeks control over ill cravings and judgmental thoughts; she seeks control over unpleasant odors and dustbunnies. He's painfully aware of how often people live in a state of self-ignorance; she's painfully aware of how infrequently most people wash their sheets. There's only one way out of the torture and pain of this world, with its frivolous speech, its temptations, its foul scents and dusty surfaces: Detachment. Unfortunately, these two will skip the slow climb to enlightenment by taking the elevator of denial.

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	MOD SQUAD: Gamers are doin' it for themselves, featuring Suck founder Carl Steadman on the rebirth of 2-D gaming; Justin Hall on the most successful online mod, and others Also: Steven Johnson on game storytelling and ONI, and an exclusive interview with Deus Ex creator Warren Spector

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